We may have developed a few terms used on a regular basis that may need some additional explanation. Since I don’t want to interrupt…umm…myself to explain them in the blogs, read on for clarification…
Brains, The: We theorize that we have several Brains vying for control in any given situation: Girl Brain (GB), Rational Brain (RB), and Vagina Brain (VB)
Crazies, The: Pretty self-explanatory. However, these people are usually those that either a) don’t appear crazy, and/or b) you really really don’t want to believe they’re crazy. Seriously. But they are – and their crazy is contagious. Do NOT under any circumstances listen to your own brain when dealing with a crazy – you are usually under VB and GB control. Listen to your friends instead and stay the fuck away from them – they’ll never change and will only continue to fuck your shit up. Have your friends put you on house arrest and take away your cell phone/internet access if necessary until you have recovered.
Douche Canoe: When a bag just isn’t big enough.
Douche Titanic: When a canoe just isn’t big enough.
Fear, The: The manifestation of all of this person’s insecurities which leaves them unable to pursue someone they’re actually into. The intensity of the Fear exhibits an inverse relationship to time-since-hook-up/honest-moment. See this blog for a more in-depth description.
Hookup Hangover, The: Next-morning effects of a sans-relationship hook-up. This does not mean the post-coital bliss while you’re still in bed. This is how you feel after you’ve sobered up (and not from the booze). Some people get over this quickly or hardly notice it (i.e. can handle their no-strings sex), others decide it is reason to run screaming for the hills (aka forget how to use a phone) even though this has nothing to do with the other person and more to do with insecurity.
Girl Brain: The part of your brain that wants a soul mate, falls for bullshit, and actually likes chick flicks. Often causes irrational behavior and hope. Some women can have overzealous GBs. Mine is asleep most of the time – not because I’m not hopeful (or whatever), but more because I don’t need the relationship like most people do. And I don’t like chick flicks.
Mouse, A: Describes women that are often wall-flower-y, not particularly outgoing or independent, and looking for a relationship. Period.Usually passive-aggressive. Somehow, these women are what boys say they don’t want (they want a Strong Confident Woman – right), but seem to end up with/care more about. I think it’s because Mice make them feel needed and less threatened.
Rational Brain: The part of your brain that actually knows what’s going on. Often overrun by GB and VB.
Sex Switch, The: We feel like, as women, sex is like a switch. Once it’s off, we can go for quite some time not really needing sex – well, not desperately, any way (for the most part – some of us will always have our moments). When we have sex, it gets turned on. Once on, we want to be having sex on a very consistent basis. Now, how difficult it is to turn on depends on the person (you probably shouldn’t look at me like that), as well as how often you need it. But, if we’re off, leave us off unless you are planning on having sex with us on a regular basis. Please.
Sparkle, The: Yes, the origination of this term is the Twilight books – as in, “he sparkles in the sun.” However, it has somehow morphed into describing how one person can be attractive to another. As in, “who knows why, but to him? She sparkles” OR “She really wants a relationship with him – she’s sparkling her ass off.”
Starlight: Once a friend tried to date a guy a bit younger than she was. In an attempt to be… romantic maybe? He called her Starlight. The name stuck.
Twilight Zone: The place we feel like we are half the time – where nothing is as it is supposed to be.
Vagina Brain: The part of your brain interested only in sex. They always told us boys think with what’s in their pants. Newsflash: we do, too.