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don’t call me. i’ll call you.

April 6, 2010

Sent: Monday, 5 April, 2010 3:42 PM
Subject: meow.

Ball-Shaving Boy/Conference Boy called me today.

Yep. That’s right.

He left me a message that said “just thinking about you. Call me back.”

Naturally, because I had to (you know what they say about curiosity and the cat… *meow*… oh yeah and my VB remembers his dick too well).

Let’s see. How to retell this story. Well… let’s just say it lived up to expectations. You get what you… pay for…?

Hell – I’ll just be brief.

He picks up and immediately wants to launch into small talk like everything is fine. First of all, wtf. We don’t even know each other for shit, had some sex, he flipped out, and that was that. What, you call back two weeks later and now we’re gonna pretend like we’re friends or something? Uh… why the FUCK would you want to do that?

Being me, I of course interrupt him and ask “what. the fuck.”  or something along those lines. He immediately – immediately – decides to freak out. He’s like “what, what are you talking about?” I press, he says…

“Yeah, ok yeah I freaked out!”

“Um. Why…?”

“I don’t know! It just felt so serious!”

“Um. Why…?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know ok!”


“I just… It just… It just didn’t feel… right!

What. What? Why does this have to feel “right”? What… are we looking for a soulmate or something? This is just sex you ass! Which maybe you’re not into. In that case, no worries (naturally the TZ gave you a nice penis) but…

“Ok. If it didn’t feel… right… that’s fine. Really. But… then… why are you calling me.”

“What? Well…I just… I… I was thinking about you. I….I don’t know! Can we talk about something else?? Why do we have to talk about this??”

Yep. Once again – yeah… why are we talking about this? Can’t we just ignore the fact that I am a fucking whackjob?

And, you know, I am just not into making new friends with you when you’ve been so effing weird. Or at all, really. So you’re not into sex or me anymore or whatever… I’m not into anything but screwing you. So. Our goals are different so… yeah. Why ARE you calling me?

WHAT the fuck. Srsly. Well. Serves me right for calling him back.

Goddamn though. What does a girl have to do to get some no-drama sex around here.

The end.


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