Avoiding the Little Things in Life Landslide.
It’s so interesting to me, how people come together – and how things seem so solid, and yet, are revealed as so vulnerable.
You know, we’re all vulnerable. We’re all insecure. I think the difference between us is being able to admit that, acknowledge that, recognize that, and…well, not being able to.
Sometimes things seem so sturdy, so easy… like you know exactly how things are. And yet…
One minor thing can trigger a landslide.
The thing is this: When things are just beginning, trust is fragile. It just is. You don’t know this other person, they don’t know you. Period. It may feel like you can trust them… but you can’t. Not yet. Learning to trust, being able to trust, takes time (and not a set amount either – with some people it can happen rather quickly, others you’ll never be able to – you just have to accept that).
So. One little thing can set off the oh shit radar. One little thing is all it takes to remind you… you don’t know this person… all that well… just yet.
This is especially true in things that seem pretty freakin’ awesome. It’s the things that feel fucking amazing that magnify those little things – simply because it feels so good most of the time, one little moment is, relatively, more pronounced.
This is going to happen. They just are. Because these little things? Are just life.
People get stressed out. People have moments. People get into bad/irritable/sad moods sometimes. People say the “wrong” thing, do the “wrong” thing, act the “wrong” way. It’s gonna happen. And, especially in the ohmygodthisisawesome things, it’s gonna be really obvious – when it happens before the trust is established. Before you know that person. Before you can recognize the stress, the moment, the mood.
The thing is, I think, because they feel all weird and not ohmygodawesome (because they’re not that awesome)… they automatically hit up our vulnerabilities and insecurities.
You know, the ones you could ignore when things were all ohmygodawesome.
The result? Some people bolt. They just do. It’s too much for them, their insecurity takes over, and they’re gone. End of story.
The key is to try not to go running after them. Instead, I’d recommend a polite conversation that begins with “what the fuck are you running from???” or… something along those lines. If they can’t be honest with you? That’s a great litmus test for how much they’re in touch with their own insecurities/vulnerabilities… as well as how much you can actually trust them.
But – if you’re someone who fancies themselves in touch with their emotions, and can admit your own insecurities, you should attempt to determine when your insecurities are hitting the fight-or-rather-flight switch. At that point, take a deep breath, a step back… and instead of pulling away, instead of letting your insecurity define things, instead of deciding something is really wrong… take a rational look at it.
(It’s like, as Amy put it, there’s a fourth brain – Crazy Brain. Girl Brain is still all a-twitter, Vagina Brain is wondering when sex is happening again, and – wait a second – who’s this fourth fucking brain in here? And why are your running around like Chicken Little?? Someone needs a bitchslap from Rational Brain)
It’s when you both can recognize those little things, those little not-so-awesome moments in life, for what they are – little things – and continue on with the ohmygodthisisawesome that you start to actually get to know someone. To build trust up from something fragile.
AND also learn that things are not always going to be OMGawesome. That is not sustainable. The quicker you learn that, accept it, and recognize real life, the better off (and more in touch with reality) you’ll be.
And that is how the beginning of things… can, slowly, in time… become the continuation of things… and not, instead, an end.
Just remember: you have to BOTH be able to do this. You can’t do it on your own. Don’t go running after.