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Pigtails: the MB saga continues.

March 26, 2010

My interpretation of the MB (I am sure I should not have done this, but I stole this from http://facebookcraze.com/funny-facebook-friends-who-suck-cartoons/ and changed the words…):

Fat suit has been used to protect the innocent. Oh...and I guess the MB is taller and has more hair.


From:
Sent: Monday, March 22, 2010 8:34 AM
To:
Subject: morning


Morning sunshine,


How’s the knee? MB asked me to ask you because he doesn’t want to do it himself. He didn’t forget. Nope. Just didn’t want to ask. Speaking of the MB, how’s the third grade today?


Anyways… last night was fun. Although I don’t need to know _____ is good in bed. Now I really can’t ever get drunk. Again. VB and Drunk Me would take over in a nanosecond. Gross. Case in point: the other weekend (when I decided to get wasted for god knows what reason) I vaguely remember him saying something along the lines of “I heard your place is awesome. I really want to see it. Must be great waking up there.” In real life I would’ve been like “yeah…it’s great…” but I think I responded with “yeah you should totally come over.”


Ew.


Hope you are having a LOVELY day…


From:
Sent: Monday, March 22, 2010 9:43 AM
To:
Subject: Re: morning


“How’s the third grade” you ask? Well…


Walking back up from coffee with ______… MB on the stairs talking to a guy at the bottom… punches me in the arm as I am passing him… ummm…. Seriously?

I was completely ignoring him, not even glancing in his direction, since he was in mid-conversation with someone… and yet… he interrupts this conversation to just punch me in the arm… not hard or anything, just like a “hi, I’m here” punch.


What?


_______ turns to me and says “if only you had pigtails he could pull.”


Um. Leave me alone?


Nope. Just came over to ask me how the party was and to explain that he got super wasted on Friday night and slept from 4 pm on Saturday until 11 am yesterday. And that he really wanted to go and that he got a text from you, oh and did I get everything ready on Friday and how did it turn out… yada yada yada… What? Oh and they got so drunk on Friday that they booked plane tickets to London for July and yeah, I should go yeah!


What?


Shut up.


I am in the third grade. However… if it were the third grade, living in your parent’s house would be acceptable. Unfortunately… NO ONE LIVES IN THEIR PARENTS’ FREAKING BASEMENT AT THE AGE OF 27!!!!


And no rational female would ever step into that basement dwelling… especially not twice. Seriously makes me look crazy… oh wait, I am. Clearly.


*knock knock* sing-song voice of… your freaking mother thinking she’s waking you up in the morning when in reality you were just having freaking hot almost-sex about 15 minutes prior with a ridiculously smokin’ hot female… wtf??!!


Oh, and oh hai, iz in the TZ … which means I get a text from ______ this afternoon/evening asking me if I would like him to come over and scratch that itch… srsly? I mean that’s cool, but srsly TZ? Srsly?


That is all.


From:
Sent: Monday, March 22, 2010 10:07 AM
To:
Subject: Re: Re: morning


Glad to the third grade is still… the third grade.


Yes… the whole basement thing is… Well. You are in the TZ. Would you expect anything less? Of course, on top of everything else… he lives in his parent’s basement. And not even in a “separate-apartment” kind-of-way. Without even that lame excuse. Instead – in a room in the basement where, when you wake up at 4am, your thought process is … “I don’t really have to pee… but if I go up to the bathroom now it’s a good bet his parents are asleep… but they do leave their door open… so maybe I should just go outside.”


Although….you have to admit, his mom knocking on the door is hilarious. Well… it’s ridiculous and would be hilarious if it were a movie or something and not your actual life.


Hey – you made certain assumptions based on his j-o-b and that hot car he drives.


It was interesting talking with ____ about this. The fact that she doesn’t quite understand why you just haven’t let it go. Well. Start with how he doesn’t really let that happen. But… it also comes down to the fact that Girl Brain doesn’t exactly want to let it go. And Vagina Brain… is just pretty much confused at this point as to why there STILL has been no sex. (We’re all confused about this actually…)

The bottom line is… Rational Brain needs time to have a little chat with both GB and VB… but the MB just won’t give you the space to do that. Or gets bitchy when you try and take it. And even though you can have a perfectly professional relationship with this person, he is incapable and who wants to work with a little bitch?


And let’s be honest… GB gets a little upset when the MB gets bitchy. Being about 13, she can’t help it.


PS – this is for you today.

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