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Posting @GMP!

January 9, 2012


I’m posted again over at the Good Men Project! This week, I’m asking if straight men have the same license straight women do to experiment. I don’t think they do, I think it’s unfair, and I wonder why:



I mean, if a gay dude slips and falls into a vagina, does anyone tell him he’s not gay? If a straight chick sucks her friend’s titties, does anyone tell her she’s now a lesbian? Any dudes getting squeamish and saying they can’t pooooosibly date her now? Um…. nope. Experiment away, kids!

But the rest of the dudes? Nope. On the Sexuality Questionnaire, you can only check one of two boxes (and only one gets the girl kind).

As someone who takes her license to experiment very seriously, it’s not a little bit of fair or even ok. How can we promote sexual positivity, let alone open dialogue about sex if we still constrain so many people? If we only allow certain groups to express and experiment?

I’ve talked about it here before, but check it out over on the GMP: Why Can’t Straight Men Experiment Too?

Let me know what you think!

17 Comments leave one →
  1. January 9, 2012 5:19 pm

    Oh Nikki. I just…I just cannot stand reading the comments on your article at GMP. I think I need to stop visiting that place because steam ALWAYS comes out of my ears. The articles you’ve posted have been very pro-men, very equality for men and you get shit all over. I don’t understand it! Why don’t the men see or accept that you are actually on their side? It’s ridiculous and extremely frustrating. And the ones that flat out deny that this particular double-standard exists? What the what?

    • January 10, 2012 11:39 am

      I know. It’s been really tough for me to post over there, not because being called a “bigot” or a “cnt” makes me feel personally bad, but because we’re so far from actual dialogue. It’s just name-calling and ranting about personal experience to negate larger issues. That makes me sadpandas.

      Much of the comment discussion over there on these topics has been very disheartening. It’s been overwhelmed by certain people, yet I don’t think *all* of them are misinformed or ranting lunatics (…some are…). I actually think many of them are really on the same page we are, they just don’t know it, and the language is not helpful to moving forward. I’m interested on why that is, and how to overcome it.

      It does help to have support from you and others! Thank you!

      • January 10, 2012 6:20 pm

        You don’t think we’re all like that do you? O.O Many sadpandas.

      • January 10, 2012 10:29 pm

        No, I don’t or I would’ve stopped engaging long ago!

  2. Karl Lee permalink
    January 9, 2012 6:45 pm

    That’s easy TRM, it’s because she’s a woman and she’s addressing the frustrated man. She’s not a Buddha trying to give us instant enlightenment and plus no one can make people understand right away it takes huge amounts of time and advocacy to even get things off the ground. But thanks for providing the outlet for us to fume because we’re all tired of keeping our frustrations to ourselves.

    • January 10, 2012 11:55 am

      Yes and men, just like others, have a right to be frustrated and should not have to keep that to themselves. The only way to move past it is to discuss. Of course, part of that is we all have to listen, too. Which is doubly difficult when you’re angry.

      It’s a tough road, but I’d rather be on it than not.

  3. January 10, 2012 6:21 pm

    Solid, bloody, gold. A pleasure to read from start to finish and a hugely unexplored issue. Thanks!

    • January 10, 2012 10:34 pm

      Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it, and it’s something I’ve thought about and wondered… and the fact that we don’t talk about it speaks volumes to how men are constrained by sexual and gender stereotypes, homophobia, etc. And that they don’t have the voice to discuss sexuality that women do.

  4. January 10, 2012 6:22 pm

    Also: Did you pick that picture? Its perfect🙂

  5. January 11, 2012 2:25 am

    Nikki – a very thought provoking post, one I admit I never considered before. I’ve heard so many times people say “If you suck a guy’s dick, uh, you’re GAY.” But two chicks getting hot and heavy is a “show.” It’s not fair, and it’s not right. It IS very telling about our societies views on male vs. female sexuality.

    • January 11, 2012 10:50 am

      Oh, it’s absolutely something you have to think through. Even for me, in my past, I would’ve thought a guy who experimented with another man was closeted. And, you know, he may be – we’re still pretty homophobic around here. BUT that doesn’t mean he has to be.

      It also used to irritate me that women experimented with other women. So, clearly I was of the “pick a damn team!” mentality across the board. Now, I feel one’s sexuality is their own, and they can try things out if they want to, it can have no bearing on their own personal identity. It’s certainly not to say it’s for everyone, but some of us, regardless of gender identity, should be appreciated for blurring the lines, not judged.

  6. January 11, 2012 2:26 am

    *society’s. Ugh.

    • January 11, 2012 10:14 am

      Ha! I do that kind of *whoops* crap all the time. I wish I could edit my own comments.

  7. January 14, 2012 7:16 pm

    Nikki – I wished you had used that image over at GMP. Would have made the discussion far more interesting! P^)

    • January 15, 2012 10:18 am

      I don’t pick the images for my posts at GMP… I agree, this one is much better.😀

  8. January 24, 2012 5:35 pm

    hmmm, quite interesting consideration… I think it is right, women wouldn’t be “judged” and called lesbians after “…sucking her friend’s titties…” or even kissing – as it is quite pupular veiw in nowadays in the night clubs or wherever. But to see two straight guys kissing would make us think one thing – that they are gays. I also think that it is not fair!

    (cool and unusual article)

    • January 25, 2012 6:08 pm

      Hey thanks, and thank you for reading!

      Yep – I don’t think it’s something we really think about, and I wish we did. I am ok with people experimenting, as much as I eye-roll the ladies doing this for attention/the boys like it, because that isn’t really about experimenting, it’s still really about women as sexual objects for male viewing, but whatev. To each their own. However – guys can’t even sort-of do that. And I don’t think that’s fair.

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