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Why I’m Glad I’m Not in a Relationship: Part Two.

September 28, 2011

Why yes, there is a Part One – read it here.

From: G. L.
Date: Tue, Sept 27, 2010 at 7:26 PM
Subject: I have no words. Except all the ones that follow:
To: Amy F.

Miss _____,

Would you believe I got shit today for reading [Nikki]’s blog??? That’s right – apparently [The Wife] is not jealous or concerned about you anymore … but is worried about [Nikki]?!?!??? You remember the fight we had where she thought something must be going on between [Nikki] and me because why else would she ask me to give her advice on her blog. That was the now classic night where she said, “you’re probably going to be giving [Amy] bullet points tomorrow about this [fight],” … and I laughed? Anyway, we’ve been getting along fine lately, so this is so out of the blue I felt like I’d taken the non-stop express to crazy town.

[Nikki]!?!?!? I cannot convince [The Wife] of how very little contact I have with this person. But all she knows is that I, quite innocently, described [Nikki] as a hyper-sexual person (I think she’d take that as a complement, right?) So she lights up Melissa’s radar like a fleet of Klingon warships (I don’t ever watch Star Trek … they just sounded more radar-lighting than … well I couldn’t think of anything else.) (And, while I’m parenthetic, shouldn’t there be a jealousy equivalent of gaydar? When someone thinks a person is enticing their significant other into infidelity? How about straydar? Awesome.) So [The Wife]’s straydar is going off FOR NO REASON!!! And she says, “I’ve just had this gut feeling since the Christmas party.” Okay, my bad with______, but … seriously? I’ve been not just a boring saint the last few months, but a DISABLED [with a broken back] boring saint. WTF am I going to be doing with anyone at this point?????

So, I thought I’d tell you all this because I knew [Nikki] would appreciate that her powers can and do set off straydars across the land. And you are my primary conduit of conversational information to [Nikki] because I HAVE VERY LITTLE CONTACT WITH HER. I am in the innocent person’s conundrum of not being able to prove a negative.

My whole point of writing this is: please, please, enjoy your freedom from the bonds of expectation and committment. Enjoy that MB has been just a bit too weird to immediately take advantage of the opportunity that is sitting on his face. If at some point he decides to discuss your relationship, you know what to say.

“Shhh. Baby, don’t talk.”


13 Comments leave one →
  1. September 28, 2011 11:32 am

    A little jealousy is natural — but jealousy injected with Tiger Blood?

    Not natural at ALL.

    • September 28, 2011 12:33 pm

      Oh man… tell me about it. And jealousy is often either about our own insecurities or our gut warning system.

      One is not helpful, one is… both do better after a good, honest, talk. Neither do better on Tiger Blood.

      Although… I do like the straydar… a new term to adopt…

  2. September 28, 2011 2:09 pm

    Ouch – your “straydar” or enticing powers must clearly be legendary…. On the other hand… jeez that one really, really has issues she needs to deal with.

    I have seen first hand (not happened to me personally but) what happens when jealousy creates a toxic, churning mass of false accusations that ruins all that is good. It is scary.

    • September 28, 2011 4:12 pm

      Isn’t it though?? I mean… you can’t possibly have a good relationship with all that shit around. And, that really indicates how it takes two to tango – you both need to honor your commitments (whatever they are) and be honest, but if one person heads off into la-la-you-be-cheatin’ land… what can you do? Unless they snap themselves out of it?

  3. September 28, 2011 7:59 pm

    I honestly don’t believe it’s a relationship thing. Sometimes people are bat shit crazy!!!

    No accounting for that shit.

    • September 29, 2011 11:47 am

      Yep. The batshit crazy is definitely in there…. funny thing is, The Wife wasn’t always that way. I have to wonder… how does it start? How can you stop it?

      In this case (because I know more about it), I’d say it’s a combination of getting married way way way too young, not knowing what you want out of life until you’re already in a situation that doesn’t provide it, and then taking that out on the person you’re with…

  4. September 29, 2011 10:40 am

    Talk about paranoid.

    How does a guy with a broken back have any chance in hell of cheating? I’m surprised he can sit up to write emails even.

    But as Bob said, it ain’t about the relationship. That woman would have issues with jealousy even is she wasn’t in one.

    • September 29, 2011 12:12 pm

      Yes, clearly there are other issues at play here – and there are. In general, jealousy like this is really far more about other things, be them deeper issues in the relationship, or deeper issues for the person being all crazy-like.

  5. Black Iris permalink
    October 7, 2011 8:34 pm

    I think it’s not surprising that she’s jealous. Her husband is e-mailing other women to complain about how she acts. That’s not a healthy relationship. Naturally she feels like something is wrong.

    If someone is closer to other people to you that can be a kind of infidelity.

    It’s easy to criticize her for being irrational, but his way of dealing with it is disloyal and not very honest. Complaining to other people instead of talking to your partner is a good way to end up divorced.

    • October 10, 2011 9:04 am

      Definitely not a healthy relationship, and I agree that discussing your relationship with others is a serious red flag.

      However. How often do we discuss our partners with our friends? While I am *not* one to kiss and tell, I definitely need to talk to someone outside my relationships (when I am in them) and especially when things are going wrong. I don’t talk to EVERYONE, but I have those one or two GFs that I go to, whether that is to seek advice, get a rational and outside perspective, or even just to vent. I actually think venting, as long as it’s VERY carefully confined to trustworthy friends, is important for most relationships, both intimate and friendly. Sometimes you just need to say some things without it being a fight.

      That said, in this particular relationship, he was *venting* to a VERY close friend. Her gender is not, in my view, important. At the time of this e-mail, Amy was one of his closest friends outside his marriage, and he didn’t talk to anyone else. In addition, there was no threat from her to that marriage. Finally, he HAD, on many occasions, tried to talk with his wife first and foremost. Sometimes, jealousy can’t be talked with – and therein is a serious problem. Her jealousy was irrational and unfounded. The fact that he couldn’t talk to her about it, or assuage her fears, and was venting – ALL red flags. Not just his need to discuss this with someone else.

  6. October 11, 2011 12:24 pm


    women be bitches. dang. so jelly.

    that’s a hawt mess of a relationship right there.

    • October 12, 2011 10:56 am

      Oh yes. Yes it was. And it made me glad I wasn’t dealing with that.

      I’m enough of a hawt mess all on my own.

  7. October 16, 2011 2:48 pm

    Not a whole lot to say that hasn’t already been said – it’s not relationships in general that’s a problem, it’s being in one with the wrong person. Clearly, this guy is with the wrong girl if she can’t trust him at all, and he can’t talk to her about it.

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