A thirty-thousand-dollar question.
So here’s something I haven’t shared with y’all yet.
In her will, my sister was going to leave $3,000 to a complete douche canoe from her past. Why? So he could take a “nice vacation“. This is a dude who was fucking horrible to her – and they remained “friends”.
She also wanted to leave thirty-fucking-thousand dollars to her ex boyfriend.
Even in the event of her death… she still sought some validation from and connection to these men.
It’s easy to *tsk tsk* such behavior from my sister, and shake your head in pity (seeing as how she suffered from anorexia, bulimia, and depression). It’s easy to see why she did that, to feel sorry for her. Sigh.
But, you know what? How different is she, really? How far off are her actions from the rest of us?
Who in your life, doesn’t actually deserve to be there? Who requires more from you than they give in return – by a wide fucking margin?
See, my sister sought validation through leaving undeserved gifts. We can certainly speculate on the reasons why: to cause them to think well of her after she was gone… or thankful… or guilty… Pretty obvious, really.
However. What about the rest of us? Do we not also leave such gifts… only in much more subtle ways?
Excuses, unwarranted – and often downright irrational.
Forgiveness, undeserved – and not even asked for.
Support and love, unrequited – in even the most basic, or platonic, sense
Third and fourth chances, when one was clearly enough.
Or, simply, continued presence in your life – at their discretion and convenience.
Who do you hang on to, even though they have made it clear they should be let go?
Who do you hold close, even though they hurt you every time?
Who do you work hard to keep in your world, even though they always manage to cause destruction – whether you let them see it or not?
Who, in your life, do you know deep down you would give thirty-fucking-thousand dollars to, if it meant they would look at you differently? If it meant what they said, or what you felt, was true?
Or so that they wouldn’t leave?
Or… just because they asked?
Although it’s easy, we shouldn’t be so quick to judge my sister’s actions. Instead, we should take the lesson she is no longer capable of comprehending, and apply it to our own lives.
And, cheers to you – my friends who have already done so. Who have survived the pain of letting go someone that just got you and stopped giving second, and third, and fourth chances – because those chances, while never warranted, would always be taken advantage of. Who survived the realization that “but the connection…!” was just an excuse… and learned, finally, to let it go.