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Taboo: An Insomnia Post.

June 14, 2011

Mid morning sunlight streams on cotton sheets. Weak, yet brilliantly focused with the dead of winter. Hard like crystal.

Even in her bedroom, the air is deliciously chill. Welcome against naked skin.

The hand between her thighs knows her well. Exactly where to touch, how to touch. Quickening her breath, then suddenly slowing, teasing. Her back arches in anticipation.

Tongue against her hard nipple, wraps around the cool metal ring there, pulling it. Teeth now, a stab of exquisite pain through her breast, the breath sucked in. She throws her head back against the pillows, hips and chest rising to meet the twin points of pleasure.

Her nipple is released, the hand removed runs up over her hip, her flat belly, her breast. Pinching the other nipple. Arms drawn up over her head and pinned there. Body sliding up against her prone one. Lips against lips. Mouths open, tongue finds tongue. Lower lip bitten.

I rise up over her on one arm, holding her down with the other. Whip my hair over my shoulder as I arch my back. With one of her knees crocked up, my hips slide gently to meet hers. Nestling. Then slowly, smoothly, thrusting against her.

“Girl, I have never wanted a dick until I met you. Oh god… I would fuck the shit out of you.”


Does anyone still think that men sit around and talk about sex more than women? Anyone?

A couple of weeks ago, a bunch of us girls were at a BBQ, talking about sex. Somewhere in that discussion (after confirming the fact that there is an upper limit to “size matters” and analyzing some people’s strange aversion to their own vagina – for another time), this question was raised:

What would you do if you had a penis for a day?

We came to a quick and unanimous conclusion that, in addition to masturbating and writing our names in pee, we would abosofreakinlutlely fuck anyone that would let us and get as many blowjobs as possible (so enough with the idea that only men think that way… plus, I always knew the whole waiting-for-it-to-wake-up-again thing can kinda suck, but now I understand that in a new light. Bummer, dudes!))

At this point, I think one of the boys arrived, and misheard us, thinking we’d say we’d fuck anything, instead of anyone.

Our initial reaction was “no no no – people! Not things! [insert ridiculous comment about men here – we jest! we jest!]”

But then we thought… shit. That misheard is actual right on. If I had a dick for a day, I’d probably stick it in just about anything (…that didn’t pose a health risk).

I mean… let’s be honest. You wake up with a penis, you wanna experience the fuck out of it. Amiright?

“If this is gonna be that kinda party, I’m gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes!”


When it comes to sexual orientation, preferences, or gender identity, I think we are all clear on how our own prejudice, fear, or hate can cloud our vision and close our hearts. Can alienate and ostracize and damage other people (and if you don’t, we need to chat).

Have we ever stopped to think how we hurt ourselves with that prejudice and fear and hate?

Our world view? Our experiences of life and of diversity? Our ability for compassion and understanding and basic humanity? Our network of people with whom we connect?

What about… exploration? Experimentation?

If we started to break down our own inner fears and prejudices… what new places could we go for pleasure? Whether real or…imagined? What deep dark fantasy do you ignore? What have you close yourself off to, in terms of what turns you on and gets you off, simply because… it’s taboo?

What if it wasn’t?

When I say that, if I had a penis for a day, I’d experiment the fuck out of it, I mean it. I wouldn’t waste time thinking dear god I’m a freak. And, here’s a shocker, I wouldn’t want to discriminate. Line up ladies, but bring your boyfriends, too.

Does that make me a freak? Change your opinion of me?

And… what if I invited you? What would you say?

Or would you just want to watch?

Don’t worry. You don’t have to say your answer out loud. You can just think it. We all start somewhere. And, maybe? Our own thought processes are not a bad place to begin.

“Baby don’t be afraid
a little work won’t hurt your back

But just in case I’m wrong
You’ll be smiling
When they pronounce ya dead…”


This has been an installment of the Insomnia Club. This month we’re talkin’ gender-bending and sex! Please check out what everyone else is saying!

Skye Blue and Elizabeth Rose of Met Another Frog: For the love of boobs and lesbians who look like the Bieb.

Jess Downey of Not What I Ordered: Girls like it too.

Totally Tyler (congrats again on your manuscript! Waiting impatiently!): What It Feels Like For a Girl

Charlotte of My Pixie Blog: Why It Might Be Nice To Have A Penis

Melissa of Feisty Woman: Sick of the Misogyny

Jack of F*cking in Brooklyn: Gender-Bender: My Day As A Woman

26 Comments leave one →
  1. June 14, 2011 10:02 am

    Great post Nikki, I’ve often thought about life on the other side. I think most men given the chance would turn into right raving whores for what ever length of time we had a pussy. But aside from sex I doubt most men envy all the maintenance work that goes into owning a sweet velvet box.

    We men have it pretty easy, accept for getting ol’ John Thomas caught in the zipper from time to time. We pee standing, sitting without out pause. It’s easy to clean, and we don’t turn into raving chocolate fiends on a lunar cycle.

    Nice to see you’re getting your groove back girl!

    • June 14, 2011 10:09 am

      Ha! Thanks Bob!

      Hey, I wouldn’t want a penis if I couldn’t give it back! I love having a vagina – and I can pee standing up too, ya know. Just takes some practice! 😉

      To each their own – but the kicker is… imagine if you were born with the “wrong” one? Therein is the serious issue in all this. I’ll post on that on Thursday…

      And yes, getting back the groove! Or trying at least!

  2. June 14, 2011 10:14 am

    I would officially say you are back with this post. Bravo my dear. Truly awesome. This was totally my favorite line “I wouldn’t waste time thinking dear god I’m a freak. ” And I have to say if I had a penis for a day I am totally with you on all of this.

    • June 14, 2011 3:48 pm

      TELL ME it wouldn’t be awesome! I mean, yeah, I’d want to give it back because I actually have the parts I want, but still. Oh, man. The things I would do! (…yikes!)

      Thanks, love! 😀

  3. June 14, 2011 12:01 pm

    “there is an upper limit to size matters.”. You said it girl. There mint not be a limit on too much is never a bad thing when talking about pasta and potato chips, but a huge huge HUGE peniz is a turn off for me. Maybe I just have a shallower vagina? Hahah.

    If I were to wake up with a dick…I would need mine to be a nice..perfectly average six inches of meat. Then I could fuck the world without hurting anyone!

    • June 14, 2011 12:53 pm

      Just had this discussion with my lover. He was telling me about his own “hell no” experience. Sometimes dating a bi-guy offers insights and affirmations that my straight husband can’t. 🙂

    • June 14, 2011 3:50 pm

      Ha! Yeah… the “hell no!” penis discussion doesn’t happen with a straight dude!

      BUT that is one thing that is said so much less. And, no, you don’t have a weird vag, RomReal. Some penises are just… ouch! And gag! And… well, that just sucks!

  4. June 14, 2011 12:54 pm

    Nikki, I would pee on a tree. Repeatedly.

    Evie wouldn’t mind trying out a strap on, I think you’ve given me some delicious ideas

    • June 14, 2011 3:51 pm

      Try the strap on. FOR SERIOUS. Never been able to try one with a dude… could be FUN. But – be warned! They’re pretty much ridiculous so get ready to laugh for a bit before you get down n dirty!

      However. You don’t have nerve endings in a strap on… so having a penis when you wanted one sure would be awesome! 😉

      • June 16, 2011 5:23 pm

        I will keep that in mind. He has some experience with it so perhaps he will help me out.

  5. June 14, 2011 2:09 pm

    Being a dude for a day… yeah I’d say that thought has entered most women’s minds at one stage or another. It would be great fun! And yes… it would all be about sex, sex and more sex. Still, I would not want it to stay that way which then leads to how messed up it must be if you were to feel that you have the “wrong” gender all the time.

    • June 14, 2011 3:53 pm

      Yes – I wouldn’t want to keep it, and that’s where this discussion gets serious.

      The thing about this post with the Insomnia Club, we wanted to take a subject that is serious ALL. THE. TIME. and show that you can talk about gender and bending without being all crazy-like. It’s not to say it’s not serious – but making something less serious/sterilized makes it more normal… I hope any way!

    • June 14, 2011 10:38 pm

      Ivy.. A drunken Swede implant in Ireland with a huge rented cock for a day. Film it and I’ll get you distribution rights in North America. Split the profits straight up.

      There. Bang boom goes your silly muse problem.
      Tee Hee hee

      • June 15, 2011 3:29 am

        Bahahahaha! Millions Bob.. millions to be made…lol!

      • June 15, 2011 8:39 am

        Ah ha ha! I think Bob just gave your muse a run for her money! And sounds like you can make some too! I’d buy it! 😉

  6. June 14, 2011 6:04 pm

    Screw writing my name in pee! I’d write whole sentences! Maybe even paragraphs. (I drink loads of water.)

    • June 14, 2011 10:42 pm

      Yes whole sentences are possible but you have to burp the alphabet whilst peeing… Sorry Man Rule

    • June 15, 2011 8:44 am

      Whole sentences! That’s one reason to stay hydrated! 😉

  7. June 14, 2011 8:34 pm

    Love this post.

    Like you, if I had a dick for a day, I would test it to the max. Any and everything that was offered up for me to stick it in – that wouldn’t harm it in any way – would be game. Just thinking about it makes me feel ‘tingly’.

    Hmmm…perhaps it’s high time I go and get me a strap on 😀

    • June 14, 2011 10:40 pm

      Well coming from the sex that has a wang, pretty much everything we rub against makes us all tingly. Why do you think us guys are trying to take it out all the time and rub it on the furniture??

    • June 15, 2011 8:53 am

      We poh-poh men for wanting to stick it everywhere, when DUH that’s what I would do if I had one! Yikes! What fun!

      And that’s a key point we often miss, I guess. Sex is fun, penises are fun, vaginas are fun… I know they’re also serious bizness, but can’t we sometimes on occasion maybe possibly discuss them as what they are? Built for FUN!

  8. Movedup permalink
    June 16, 2011 7:39 pm

    Nikki – you’re killing me I did not see that coming. You are back in rare form. I honestly have never thought about that – what would I do if I woke up with a dick hopefully at least a 6 inch one – I would probably want to stick in something too. But I think the new would wear off and then I’d be bothered by it. Have nuts hanging around all the time – don’t think I’d like it for the long term. No I like my vag too much. But it is interesting how men get slammed for thinking with it and acting on it and we blame them for that – when if we were the ones who had it (being women that it) we’d probably do the same as least until the new wore off and morality kicked in. Interesting thought thou wouldn’t trade my vag for it or my boobies either!


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