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Young lady, where are your standards??

February 1, 2011

**Note: While my motivation from this post is the discussion generated last week, I am in no way directly addressing anyone’s comments specifically. I am merely hoping for additional dialogue on what can be a touchy and convoluted subject…

Also note: I’m talking PROTECTED sex here, people. None of this raw-dogging, alright? It’s never ok to endanger your own health with the likes of that bullcrap.

Recently I posted a lil story about a friend of mine. I put it up as something funny, a horrible dating story that other people could surely relate to. And a lot of people did.

As such, I wasn’t prepared for some of the discussion that it generated. Not that I minded – I love people speaking their minds and talking about things. While I like vanilla ice cream, I don’t like vanilla life – so I always welcome different and new opinions and views. I like to be challenged, and I enjoy it when other people make me think.

And, of course, these comments got me thinking. Shocking, I know.

From what I understood, it seemed the biggest issue was the idea of putting up with Douchebagery to get to sex. Or put up with it in general.

Let me say first and foremost: I agree wholeheartedly that you had better fucking recognize Douchebagery when you see it. Period. Don’t expect more from it than it’ll give you (e.g. more douche-y-ness). Don’t expect it to change or become something it isn’t.  And, my previous post in no way meant to insinuate that Amy didn’t identify it for what it was, expect anything more from it, or that the end result (more douche-y-ness) was some kind of surprise.


Now. I also wholeheartedly agree that if you are looking for a relationship of any kind? Douchebagery should not be tolerated (if you actually need clues on this, check Feisty’s lil list). Run from it at Red Flag #1 – don’t wait til #5 smacks you upside the head. Why? Because relationships are build on trust, honesty, and mutual respect. None of these things can be received from a true-blue Douche – man or woman.

BUT. If we’re not talking about a relationship, only sex – I argue that this may not always be the case. Because sexual encounters do not have to be tied to emotions, or headed toward a relationship, or even with a person you like. They can just be about sex.

Women can just have some sex. Men can just have some sex.

However. While we might (or might not) agree there, the point of course is that you make the decision on that for yourself – not someone else. And if you’re still with me on that point, that you agree… I still see the knee-jerk reaction to people engaging in NSA (no strings attached) sex. My lil story was an even more interesting example (to me) because the guy was a Class A DB. There was no question (ever) about that. And yet… I’d like to explore our reactions to that a little bit more…

One thing I am very interested in (if you haven’t noticed) is the subtle and almost unconscious biases and judgments we harbor. All of us. The ones we’re not aware of – that we need to bring out into the light and examine. One of those, that our culture is really really good at, is slut-shaming.

Now. I don’t mean to offend anyone, and I am hoping for a real close personal look at the reactions we have to the standards other people use to decide when to have sex.

ONE: I do think that, when we see a situation where two people have sex in spite of Douchebagery, or even just have NSA sex at all really, the immediate reaction is to judge the female. Not always – but pretty freakin’ often.

Before you clamor to tell me you don’t, hear me out.

While we may not say “oh, she’s a big ol’ whore with no self-respect,” what we might say instead is still slut-shaming, because we still view her poorly by comparing her to how we would act – and showing her to be wanting, given our standards.  Further, we often (but clearly not always or, not always clearly) assume that 1) she’s lacking in moral fiber/self confidence/self worth, or something along those lines (because cah-learly she wouldn’t do that dude if she had those – I mean, we wouldn’t and we has them, so) and 2) the Douchebagery will have some bearing on how she feels about herself or is something she should care about (because he needs to be interested in you for you to interact with him… why?). That his behavior will, or should, impact her in some way (it certainly impacts how we see her so…)

We also decide for her that whatever she thinks she’s getting from this encunter (I decided that term is now a perfectly acceptable part of my vocabulary) is not worth what she put up with to get it.

End result? Well, sorry honey: Fail.

And thus, whether we like it or not, we look down on her . Whether we want to admit it or not, we want to call her a slut (and we’ve already decided that is a negative term). Futher, we think she should have some shame for what she’s done.

And that, my friends, is slut-shaming.

Take a close look at how you react, and tell me what you think. I don’t for a second think everyone feels this, but I do believe it’s a general cultural reaction to women engaging in sex we don’t agree with (which also, btw, depends on the person doing the judging assessing. Of another person’s behavior. Right.)

Do we do this to men? Meh. Sure – but not as much. Yes, we can be rational people so we often say “well, yeah, the dude shouldn’t put up with that shit either” or “of course I don’t have a double-standard here – they’re both sluts.” But….. we probably do. Be honest: the knee is a bit more anxious to jerk around when women do this than when men do. Plus, part of that is because, as a lot of the slut-shaming is done by women, we can compare another woman to our own standards of behavior (something a lot of us love to do anyway). Can’t do that with a dude, because we’re not dudes.

Further,  we can’t ignore the fact that we are practically marinated, from day one, in a double standard of men and women. I truly believe it’s very difficult to get rid of that without significant conscious effort.

See – we also say things like “men are pigs” or “men are dogs” or “men are douchebags.” I’d say what we mean is we assume men want sex all the time, and, even though we call them a DB for it, we still allow them to have sex with whomever without, or with less, judgment. Or we assume they’ll fuck whomsoever will give it up. Why? Because men have this sex drive and they are indiscriminate so therefore we don’t hold them to our standards of behavior.  And that, my friend, is what I’d call a double standard. Again – this is not everyone. But I would argue it is in general.

Alright. I think that particular dead horse has had enough. But, naturally, I found another one. I’m not done yet.

TWO: There’s another thing I think at play here: The idea that the woman gave out the sex. That the man didn’t have to work for it (which, of course, does tie into our own personal ideas about when to have sex, i.e. our personal standards of behavior).

I really don’t like this idea: sex as something women withold until the men put in enough work.

Here, this idea comes up because we decide that part of the problem is the woman didn’t make the man work hard enough (or pretend not to be a DB) to gain access to the sex. In addition, of course, to the idea that sex in any sense is something that must be earned.

Here’s a thought: What if it isn’t?

What if it isn’t something you have to earn, but instead something you just enjoy? That, yeah, you don’t need a certain number of dates or flowers or door-holding to engage in?

Ever thought about the multitude of people who are complete and utter assholes but fake it in order to gain a relationship or have sex? What if you just take the person as who they are – douchebag or not – be glad they were honest, and decide that YOU want to have sex with them anyway?

What are our standards for sex?

Do we need to gain a level of trust, honesty, and mutual respect in order to feel comfortable for sex? Or, do we need some level of physical chemistry or attraction? Or both? Or something else entirely? What if you get off on having sex with strangers?

And, please note that this is not “in order to give up sex/allow someone to fuck you.” Like I said, I don’t think sex should be viewed that way – as something to be gained. I think it should be about being comfortable enough to have it. And that, my friend, is up to each person individually it is not up to you to decide for anyone else. If a person does not live up to your standards for feeling comfy hopin’ in the sack? That doesn’t mean they are the only acceptable standards out there. BUT. It ALSO does not mean your standards are wrong, either. They’re absolutely right for you.

And, in the same vein, we should never allow anyone to talk us into sex if we’re not comfortable.

Do you want to have sex with this person? Are you comfortable having sex with this person? I think those should be the standards we use – personally and for each their own.

See, there are two ways in which to ignore Douchebagery. One, you can pretend it’s not Douchebagery, or even go so far as to tell yourself the Douchebagery will magically stop being Douchey. Never make that massive mistake, please. You can also ignore Douchebagery because you just don’t care about it. Maybe it’s utterly secondary to what you do care about (e.g. a roll in the hay). It’s not that you don’t fully recognize the douche-y-ness, but you just don’t care. Someone else might care. You might care with a different guy in a different situation. Or not. But – personal choice. End of story.

This whole idea that we need someone to be “interested” in us, or even like us, insinuates that they are interested in a relationships with us. Maybe that’s not the goal here, so maybe we don’t care about their interest. I mean, I don’t go on every date, or any first-second-even-third dates assuming the dating is heading down the road to a relationship. I’m dating to meet people, and in all honesty? In my life the way it is now? I am one busy girl with lots of shit to get done, in addition to many things I like to do with my free time, friends I love, and I am fiercely protective of my alone time. To be frank – right now? I’m not dating for love. I’m with Miss Elizabeth Rose: I’m dating to get laid. That’s about all I have time for right now, and all I need (woah I know dude – did a girl just say that? Yes I am blowing your mind. And, yes, I am up front about that.)

Sometimes “interest” and “relationship” are not as important. Maybe, just maybe, we don’t want a relationship with this person. Maybe we’re crystal clear on their utter uselessness in that capacity. And they’ve made it clear they don’t want one with us. SO – we’re both on the same page. And, we’re both comfortable having sex with one another. So. There ya go.

I’m not saying everyone should do this or this will be ok for everyone. But. It’s ok for some people in some instances. Absolutely.

What’s left after accepting that we don’t care if they are a DB? Well, the idea that he doesn’t deserve to have sex with you anyway because he’s a DB. Well. That’s not really anyone’s call but your own. Maybe his physical appearance or boning ability means you think he does deserve to have sex with you. Maybe your own desire to just have some flippin’ sex already and he passes the chemistry/physical attributes test is enough. Further, if you get to the root of the above statement, it’s still about men working for sex that women eventually provide. And, as I mentioned, I’m not so into that statement.

Sometimes. Sex is sex. It’s not about interest, it’s not about behaving correctly in order to gain access to it. It’s about fucking. And, as long as you are both comfortable doing that, than it’s no one else’s choice or place to pass judgment.

Of course, I am making the [sometimes gigantic] assumption that you’re self-aware enough to know these things for yourself (I have discussed how NSA sex is not for everyone). I kind of have to – because I am not about to assume the opposite. I’d rather hope for awareness than assume ignorance – and I have to choose one.

There is, of course, a flip side to all this. Just as I’m not going to call you a slut if you’re into anonymous sex – I’m also not going to call you a prude if you want to wait til you get married. We can shame the “prudes” just as easily, you know. And that, really, is the sad thing and the end result of all this. Women have it kinda tough (not to say that men don’t, but that’s another story – one a man should write). If someone thinks you’re having too much sex, or not waiting long enough to have it, or not making someone work hard enough to get it from you, you’re a slut. But if someone else thinks you’re not having enough, you’re a tease or a prude.

And so we (finally) arrive at the bottom line: Instead of deciding for someone else if their choices were “wrong” given your standards, we should instead be supportive of one another in our own choices and standardsand encouraging one another to look at those choices, and think about them, and consider alternatives, and be more self-aware (which is another reason I encourage dialogue).

So, instead of comparing what someone else did to what you would do, why no ask how they feel about those choices. Have they thought about them? Are they happy? Are they comfortable in their own life and their own skin and their own behavior? If they aren’t happy or comfortable only then do you get to ask if maybe it was too soon, or not soon enough.

Those are the answers I’m interested in, and, in my opinion, they’re the ones that matter.

I am not in any sense saying anyone who commented on the last post is wrong. At all. I am trying to stimulate discussion on this topic, and ask people to look closely at how they react to other people’s behavior. To think about those reactions a little bit more. If you react at all. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you truly do not care when or how or if other people are having sex. But. I bet, if you look close enough, you do.

And, by all means, please challenge me to think more, too.

[Please note: Again, I am talking about when we choose to engage in sex, not when we choose a partner. I would never condone entering into a relationship where you are disrespected, undervalued, or otherwise abused.]

For more on this topic:

“Girl Fight: Sluts vs. Prudes” @ The Sexademic

Pepper Wants To Talk to You About Sex @ Pepper & Paprika

I’ve mentioned it on occasion, too. Although with much less eloquence…

Random Encunters are not Contests. They’re Awesome.

We still want a relationship with your penis, even when you’re a dumbass.

sex as weapon.

Women on Top: why is this so scary?

…sex stereotypes: ur doin it wrong.

23 Comments leave one →
  1. February 1, 2011 9:37 am

    Funny, I didn’t consider a girl who gives it up to a DB to be a slut, but more of an idiot. She must’ve seen (or at least should have seen) how the situation was destined to turn out a mile away. She knew the guy was a flagrant prick-type douche, yet she wanted to ball him anyway. I guess prickery turns some chicks on and makes them want to f*ck like mad but when a guy is being an ass to me, my feelings along with my vag completely dry up. I like nice dudes, not douchebags, whether I’m f*cking him or not.

    And about the “will work for sex thing”, that’s one of my philosophies (of course you know this) IF you want to be in a relationship. For casual sex (something I’ve never been able to handle adeptly), it doesn’t really matter because the end result is going to remain the same. I guess the only work he needs to put in, in that case, is an all nighter. 😉

    • February 1, 2011 11:24 am

      I think the end result of deciding another person is a “slut” or an “idiot” is the same – there is still judgment passed on her behavior. I wouldn’t assume the douchebagery was a turn on (because that might be a real problem) but it’s more … overlooking it instead. It’s not that you don’t know it’s there or how bad it is, you just don’t care.

      That is, of course, for some people. In some instances. I know for a fact Amy is not someone who balls every douchey guy. It was just the instance. For you, that’s unacceptable, in any instance. My point is that both approaches are acceptable – as long as they come from a place of personal comfort, self-awareness, and protected sex.

      I agree that this is not the way to go about looking for a relationship. THAT is never going to happen – and will always end badly.

      As for the “work for sex” thing: See, I totally get where you’re coming from. Maybe instead of “working for sex,” it’s about developing a relationship that is based in trust and respect for both partners, you know? It’s not about the dude paying for shit and opening doors and “being nice” – but more of coming to the understanding, for both the guy and the girl, of the relationship, where it is, where it’s going, and how you care for one another.

      That’s what I hear you say when you say “work for sex” – and that I can totally agree with. My issue is actually using the term “work for sex” re-iterates this power struggle (for lack of a better term) between men and women, and the idea that women withhold sex, or that it’s something they give up. That kind of thinking ingrains the idea that it’s the women that control the sex – until they “give it up”. And that maybe men don’t have standards – that no one is working for the man’s approval. You know?

      When maybe it’s more about mutual understanding, etc. Either way, I think we’re saying the same thing. I just get hung up on terminology. 🙂

      • February 2, 2011 5:57 am

        Well said. I guess we all pass judgment even when we mean no harm. I was never really one for slut bashing as you refer to it, and I’ve played the idiot myself, MORE THAN ONCE.

        I went out with a DB from hell and hoped he would turn out to be decent and kind, and yes, I stuck by because I wanted to f*ck him. And I did. And he f*cked me over so hard I couldn’t get over it to save my life and I was the idiot for letting it happen over and over again.

        That’s why I stand firm in that cliche philosophy “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”. It’s easy to see people coming a mile away when we want to and when we’re not “hoping” for something better to magically happen. I couldn’t feel sorry for myself or play the victim with my DB guy when I was the one who was letting him crap all over me. My bad and no one else’s. I forced myself to wear my idiocy along with my heart on my sleeve for the world to see.

  2. February 1, 2011 12:27 pm

    The reactions from people also differ widely depending on where they are from. I am from Sweden and many there would have a somewhat more open view on sex and NSA sex. This does not mean that all Swedes are raving nymphos… just want to point that out as I have heard that to death. And before someone else says it…no I am no angel and have plenty of biases as well and need to cop on every once in a while as well.

    I am in a long-term relationship now but before I met my partner I did not date really. I was not interested in a relationship. I was interested in sex. Why should I as a women be less entitled to feel horny and wanting sex than any guy looking for the same? It was purely NSA sex I wanted. Having fun and a good time. It was liberating.

    If I would only have slept with guys I would consider a relationship with…well, there would have been much less action. I have quite high standards with whom I want to be in a relationship with. I am also fussy with whom I have sex with… but those are not the same kind of criterias.

    To be honest, I have met many guys that find it incredibly sexy when women are forward when it comes to sex. I remember one time when I just left uni, celebrating after all the exams. A bunch of us went on a bar crawl. It was fun, music good and I noticed this one guy dancing. I decided there and then that he was mine (provided he was single, I do have some rules). Well, decision made and we had a blast. He was a great guy. Nice, funny, good-looking and we both made it clear that this was NSA. He loved the fact that he was picked up… and it probably was the best one-night stand I ever had. I was not “giving-up” anything and neither was he.

    The funny thing is that …some of the girls I went to uni with were the ones that were horrified over the fact that I so blatantly picked this guy up. The lads in the group couldn’t care less.

    I have no problem with someone not wanting to have NSA sex. Nor do I have problems with anyone having it. I only get annoyed when people hurt others, cheat or lie. And I really detest double standards.

    Women who have NSA sex are not sluts. Women who wait for Mr Right are not frigid. Men who have NSA sex are not man-whores. Men who wait for Ms Right are not losers. They are humans who make a decision and as long it does not hurt someone their decision should be respected, even if we cannot understand every aspect or reasoning of it.

    I do not know how we can get people to realize that a bit less judgement and a bit more understanding goes a long way. These type of discussions do go a long way though.

    • February 1, 2011 2:34 pm

      Perfect comment. Exactly. You know, I almost dislike posting things like this, because it should just be common sense, but we all know it isn’t. And talking about it, even if all it does it make someone say “you’re right, not my business or my choice” than it’s accomplished something. You know?

      “I have quite high standards with whom I want to be in a relationship with. I am also fussy with whom I have sex with… but those are not the same kind of criterias.” <— Especially like.

  3. February 1, 2011 2:09 pm

    dang girl. that was like a thesis.

    This won’t spur much discussion, because i completely agree – SHOCKER! I just wish eeerbody would get out of other people’s bidniss. Goodness gracious. I have so much crap to worry about i could care less who’s sleeping with who or why.

    why are people so nosey? why are they so quick to judge? we are a messed up group of humans.

    • February 1, 2011 2:38 pm

      Ha – I know. I need to be more concise. I swear if I had nothing else to do but whittle away at my own word vomit, I would be. At least some people make it through!

      Yes – we need to chill out and realize some things aren’t important to us. However, I do think there’s something to be said for discussing what we all are comfy with – in terms of supporting one another, encouraging personal self-awareness, coming up with new ideas… etc.

      PS For serious congrats on the engagement! 😀

  4. Foreigner permalink
    February 1, 2011 3:39 pm

    Double standards don’t you just love those?

    I wish i could say i havent been judgemental about other peoples sex life… but i can’t i used to be very narrowminded. There i said it.
    Buuuuuuut thanks to the universe things change, things that happen to you or others close to you make you change and open your mind about a lot of things, including sex.

    You have made some great points here.
    I really wish i had the time to translate your post to spanish for some of my friends to read.
    I will keep in mind tho a lot of what you just said and we will definately start a conversation about this next time we hang.

    I have some standards of my own and i’ll try to do my best to respect yours.
    That’s my philosophy 😉

    • February 1, 2011 7:02 pm

      I think it’s wonderful when you can look back and see a change you’ve made in your life to be more inclusive and thoughtful. Of course we’re all judgmental, we all have our biases, whether we know it or not. It’s figuring them out and thinking about them that makes all the difference!

      Please do talk about this with your friends! Let me know what they think!

      Yes – having your own standards while respecting others is key – BOTH of those points. Not one over the other! 😀

  5. February 1, 2011 5:48 pm

    This kinda touches on the guys working for sex point…. Maybe I overanalyze (I probably do), but I tend to think that if a guy is doing things like playing with his phone instead of paying attention to me (like World Rocker did to Amy), I’m probably not going to want to have sex with him because who’s to say he’s going to “pay attention” and take care of me sexually. Why not move onto a guy who can?

    Double standards stink.

    Great post!

    • February 1, 2011 7:07 pm

      I totally feel you there, Thoughts. Foreigner also touched on it: Part of the douche-y-ness of Douchebags is the entitled, selfish attitude. And that prooooobably ain’t workin’ in the bedroom, either. Not always. Sometimes DBs can be awesome too – they take selfish pride in being good in bed. But… more than likely the former.

      Thanks! 😀

  6. February 1, 2011 11:12 pm

    Hi, I found your blog from bluntdelivery.
    I agree with alot of what you said but I do wonder how much of it is just cultural. It is easy to view the US as prude compared to some European cultures but we are still so much more open if you take the human population as a whole.
    I think you are discounting what a turn on it is to be made to “work” for sex. Its like when a guy cheats in the state of Nevada it is all about the act of seduction and the fucking is just an after thought to some degree otherwise no guy would cheat outside of getting a prostitute.
    I actually think if you took two women, one I had 100% chance to fuck on the first date and the second I had a 70% chance to fuck on the first date the latter is winning every time.
    That right amount of uncertainty but still a decent chance is so much sexier than the sure thing.

    • February 3, 2011 10:15 am

      Oh it’s completely cultural – and thank you for making this point clear (Ivy touched on it, as well). I should have clarified that I was coming from my experiences in the US. I do think it’s a “western world” issue – but you are exactly right, it’s different within even those countries.

      There is something to what you’re saying about “working” being a turn-on. Absolutely there is something there. I’d say it kicks in to our brains attaining something we didn’t think we could, something that isn’t available for everyone.

      However, I’d prefer to have it left out of my dating experience. I’d rather be able to be upfront with how I feel and what I want, and have the person I’m with agreeing with me. I don’t really like the game-playing, the chase. While I am with you on it being a turn-on, I’ve gotten to the place where I’m tired of it. I don’t want a person to decide they’re no longer feelin’ me simply because I didn’t play hard to get. I’d rather them be into me for who I am.

      Of course – we’re talking sex only here, so I agree with you. That the chase can be hot. But – I’m more of the mindset that the sex is the focus, not the game.

  7. February 2, 2011 3:51 pm

    Hey thanks for the pingback!

    Yeah, you know what I want? I want billboards, sandwich boards, tweets texts, a mass recorded phone call campaign, skywriting, blimps, fireworks, graffiti, PSA’s, T-shirts, tattoo’s, Bumper stickers, license plates, uh…am I missing any way of sending out a mass message?

    I want all them to say:

    “Sex is not transactional.”

    Followed by fine print reading:

    “Sex is not an interaction where one party gains somethings and another loses something. Ever. Sex workers are selling you time which you may then spend with them in a mutual activity. You cannot tell how much sex someone has or has not had by their genitals. You do not “lose” your virginity and then find it behind the couch 3 years later covered in dust bunnies with chewing gum and an old ticket stub stuck to it. Nobody “gives up” anything when they choose to have sex, unless you mean that they are “giving up” some time. Sex is a mutual endeavor between enthusiastically consenting human beings. Sex is like playing musical instruments together, nobody high fives the violinist but then turns around and berates the harpist for deigning to reveal their harp. Sex can hurt you, like most other things, but like most other things, you’ll most liekly be ok if you do it safely and ethically. That is all.”

    • February 3, 2011 10:18 am


  8. February 2, 2011 8:23 pm

    I have a similar take on both sexes having a fling with someone awful. The end result always seems to be a lower level of respect. I’ve no problem with sex for the sake of sex but I cannot stand to see someone wonderful have a night out with someone they don’t even really like as a human just so they can get into bed. It’s like watching someone eat spoiled food. If you don’t know them, it’s funny. However, if it’s someone you care about, you’re going to wonder about their judgement from then on out.

    That said, I have sort of wanted to sleep with some women that I have absolutely hated… but only a little.

    • February 3, 2011 10:26 am

      Yes, but it’s you deciding for them that they’ve lost respect, whether that is yours or their own self-respect.

      It’s not your life. It’s not your sex. It is possible to just do it with someone. I see what you’re saying about wondering about their judgment, but same bottom line. You can decide if you still respect them or not – but you are basing that on actions that have nothing to do with you. I also would argue it has nothing to do with their picker (of people not their nose) either. They know this person is worthy of a relationship, they know they’re a Douche.

      Bottom line: You can still decide for yourself if you want to change your opinion of someone, based on your standards of behavior, but I’d encourage you to let them have their own standards and base your relationship with them on how they treat you.

      In addition: You can’t determine if their own self-worth is altered. That’s not up to you.

  9. February 4, 2011 1:48 pm

    So much to say, but I will leave the words to the very wise, very kick ass Salt n Pepa:

    • February 8, 2011 10:04 am

      OMG. Totally forgot about this gem. Thanks for the reminder! Perfect!

  10. Esme permalink
    February 7, 2011 2:49 pm

    Amen, girlfriend.

    I date a lot for sex sake…we all have needs, and I like having my needs met. Who doesn’t? I am fortunate enough to have a great circle of friends who feel the same way, and who don’t feel the need to judge when I come home with a sordid tale of lust and dubauchary (sp?). I am very upfront with the guys I go out with, there are no pretenses on my-or his-intentions. Am I a slut? Maybe in some peoples eyes. But I prefer to consider myself a smart business woman!

    And I do have to add…sometimes douchebags make the best NSA partners. Truly no need to worry about attachment, no need to worry about them spending the night, no need to worry about them calling ‘just to say hi’. That may just be short of perfect…

    • February 8, 2011 10:24 am

      Hooray for sex!

      And yes – I agree that people who are self-centered and don’t really worry about other people are good for NSA sex because you’re both on the same page and you don’t have to worry about it getting messy.


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