Dear Diary… Part Two.
Sometimes I wonder how I managed to be so responsible in high school (I was). And thank my mom for teaching me about safe sex. I don’t think I would have made it with a family that didn’t – or thought maybe I’d manage abstinence.
These are word-for-word entries from my diary as a much younger woman, yet you can see where I came from.
All caps, underlining, etc, are authentic. Were other women like this in high school? Or was it just me?
Sometimes… you just have to post some random shit.
And yes… there is a Part One.
Sunday December 8, 1996
…SO anyhow then varsity plated and went into OVERTIME and WON 51 – 48. A. sealed off the game [what?] w/2 free throws and is SUCH a hottie I was to JUMP HIS ASS.
Friday December 20, 1996
Do you know how bad I want to get with a guy [I mean have sex]?! BAD!!! Like, I just want to hook up with someone just to get it on. [get it on. Yes I really wrote that.]
Sarurday January 4, 1996
…and TOTALLY STRESSING this J. thing. Like way overboard. The boy makes me claustriphobic (SP). Seriously… Yesterday I felt like crap so I just went to bed after dinner. He gave an envelope to my mom for me. Turns out its some 2 page letter. Uh… yeah. How long have I known you? I started reading this ESSAY/NOVEL (J/K) an all the ?s and !s have little hearts on them and I’m going “Oh my God…What the hell is wrong with this kid??” And then I got to where he said he wanted to “cuddle me in his arms” and that was PLENTY for me. DEFINITELY. I feel like I’m suffocating. I’m panicking! I don’t even remember how to spell panicking? I just cannot handle this!
[Really? I am 16 – aren’t I supposed to be all into this romantic bullshit?]
Wednesday January 15, 1996
I love D. No. I do not love D. I WANT D. Very badly. Well. Not VERY badly, but pretty bad. My last day of photo with him is tomorrow. 😦 Depressing.
Monday September 28, 1998
It’s like 2:30am. Everyone’s left pretty much. I decide to check on J. and bitch-girl. If nothing’s up, I’ll sleep in there too I’m tired and there are no other beds. I open the door and [bitch-girl] has no shirt. J’s all “excuse me” and I just said “excuse me“. Then I started to go downstairs and I thought, nope. So I go back upstairs and opened the door. I tell J. there’s no way I’m not telling [his GF]. At first he’s pissed off. I tell him I’m not telling the world but [his GF] deserves to know. He finally gets it and starts going off about what’s wrong w/his relationship (or what he thinks is wrong) I’m all, what? Did I ask? But I just say “so does that excuse you?” He says no. Finally he says he’ll meet me downstairs in five. He comes down and immediately calls [his GF].
[Yep. Always been all righteous bitch up in other people’s bizness – callin’ out your douchebagery.]
Sunday October 25, 1998
We find out D.’s pissed cuz I guess he thought him and me… but I never would, at least not right now and I don’t think of D. like that. He’s hot and all but… Oh well. What’s done is done. And I don’t regret [hooking up with S] IT WAS FUN. So I gave S. my number and he said he’d call but I’m not stupid. The kid was FUCKED UP and we were just having fun like kids do (I’m never going to get used to the idea of a boyfriend.)
[He actually did call. That was fun for a bit.He did not convince me otherwise about the boyfriend thing. And then his parents moved.]
Tuesday November 3, 1998
I’m bored. With stuff. I need a fucking boyfriend. Not for the emotional shit. Just to DO STUFF. God DAMN. ANY BOYS OUT THERE WANT A STRICTLY PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP?!
OK anyhow sorry about that.
Wednesday November 25, 1998
Anyhow. Know how I wish this year would go? I need to get on S. just ONCE. Just cuz! Then hook it UP w/M. and FUCK HIS BRAINS OUT then go out w/T. and let him know what girls are ALL ABOUT. DAMN that boy has a MOTHER FUCKIN nice body. I think I need to be drunk or something.
[No, dear, that’s just the hormones. And pretty sure T. is gay.]
Sunday November 29, 1998
At about 7pm I went over to K’s to say hi. She is fucking T-RASHED. She’s been drinking since 2. Her cousins are over and so is M. [her BF], his sister and her friend. I get there and M. is on one side of the room w/ his sister and her friend, and K. and her cousins on the other. The whole time I thought M. was flirting with [his sister’s friend]. It totally looked like it. Even [one of K’s cousins] noticed. And I thought it was cuz K was SLOPPY ASS drunk and M’.s embarrassed cuz his sister’s over with her friend. But he stil shouldn’t be fucking around like that.
When I left I told him not to fuck with my girl [yes I did indeed] and he’s all “what?” and gave me some look. I said don’t give me that look and left.
[Yeah. Don’t fuck with my girls. And that dude WAS a complete douche TITANIC. Call ’em like I see ’em.]
Tuesday December 29, 1998
Oh yeah, guess who was at the “party” with K. Sunday night?
Haven’t seen that kid in awhile. He moved to Las Vagas and he was visiting. He’s still a hottie. His friend drove me to K’s cuz I thought R. left me and he told me (S did, not his friend) that his ex-gf pretended to be pregnant once (don’t know why he told me that… oh yeah alcohol). I said I would never do that. He said why did we never go out. I said you never asked. He remembered me from band in Middle School.
He’s still pretty hot.
He also told me that I should tie my underwear and bra around his head. Guess who he said told him to tell me to do that?
Alcohol is a strange, strange thing. Avoidance is a pretty good idea for some people.
Tuesday January 5, 1999
T. is so fucking cute I want to die RIGHT NOW. No. I really don’t want to die at all. But he’s pretty fucking cute anyhow. :)!! So is M. But M. is just hot. Like I want to hop in his lap in english all the time.
So. That was me, in a nutshell. What were you like in high school? How much have you changed?