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Dear Diary… Part Two.

January 18, 2011

Sometimes I wonder how I managed to be so responsible in high school (I was). And thank my mom for teaching me about safe sex. I don’t think I would have made it with a family that didn’t – or thought maybe I’d manage abstinence.


These are word-for-word entries from my diary as a much younger woman, yet you can see where I came from.

All caps, underlining, etc, are authentic. Were other women like this in high school? Or was it just me?

Sometimes… you just have to post some random shit.

And yes… there is a Part One.

Age 16


Sunday December 8, 1996

…SO anyhow then varsity plated and went into OVERTIME and WON 51 – 48. A. sealed off the game [what?] w/2 free throws and is SUCH a hottie I was to JUMP HIS ASS.

Friday December 20, 1996

Do you know how bad I want to get with a guy [I mean have sex]?! BAD!!! Like, I just want to hook up with someone just to get it on. [get it on. Yes I really wrote that.]

Sarurday January 4, 1996

…and TOTALLY STRESSING this J. thing. Like way overboard. The boy makes me claustriphobic (SP). Seriously… Yesterday I felt like crap so I just went to bed after dinner. He gave an envelope to my mom for me. Turns out its some 2 page letter. Uh… yeah. How long have I known you? I started reading this ESSAY/NOVEL (J/K) an all the ?s and !s have little hearts on them and I’m going “Oh my God…What the hell is wrong with this kid??” And then I got to where he said he wanted to “cuddle me in his arms” and that was PLENTY for me. DEFINITELY. I feel like I’m suffocating. I’m panicking! I don’t even remember how to spell panicking? I just cannot handle this!

[Really? I am 16 – aren’t I supposed to be all into this romantic bullshit?]

Wednesday January 15, 1996

I love D. No. I do not love D. I WANT D. Very badly. Well. Not VERY badly, but pretty bad. My last day of photo with him is tomorrow. 😦 Depressing.

Age 17

Monday September 28, 1998

It’s like 2:30am. Everyone’s left pretty much. I decide to check on J. and bitch-girl. If nothing’s up, I’ll sleep in there too I’m tired and there are no other beds. I open the door and [bitch-girl] has no shirt. J’s all “excuse me” and I just said “excuse me“. Then I started to go downstairs and I thought, nope. So I go back upstairs and opened the door. I tell J. there’s no way I’m not telling [his GF]. At first he’s pissed off. I tell him I’m not telling the world but [his GF] deserves to know. He finally gets it and starts going off about what’s wrong w/his relationship (or what he thinks is wrong) I’m all, what? Did I ask? But I just say “so does that excuse you?” He says no. Finally he says he’ll meet me downstairs in five. He comes down and immediately calls [his GF].

[Yep. Always been all righteous bitch up in other people’s bizness – callin’ out your douchebagery.]

Sunday October 25, 1998

We find out D.’s pissed cuz I guess he thought him and me… but I never would, at least not right now and I don’t think of D. like that. He’s hot and all but… Oh well. What’s done is done. And I don’t regret [hooking up with S] IT WAS FUN. So I gave S. my number and he said he’d call but I’m not stupid. The kid was FUCKED UP and we were just having fun like kids do (I’m never going to get used to the idea of a boyfriend.)

[He actually did call. That was fun for a bit.He did not convince me otherwise about the boyfriend thing. And then his parents moved.]

Tuesday November 3, 1998

hey.

I’m bored. With stuff. I need a fucking boyfriend. Not for the emotional shit. Just to DO STUFF. God DAMN. ANY BOYS OUT THERE WANT A STRICTLY PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP?!

OK anyhow sorry about that.

Age 18

Wednesday November 25, 1998

Anyhow. Know how I wish this year would go? I need to get on S. just ONCE. Just cuz! Then hook it UP w/M. and FUCK HIS BRAINS OUT then go out w/T. and let him know what girls are ALL ABOUT. DAMN that boy has a MOTHER FUCKIN  nice body. I think I need to be drunk or something.

[No, dear, that’s just the hormones. And pretty sure T. is gay.]

Sunday November 29, 1998

At about 7pm I went over to K’s to say hi. She is fucking T-RASHED. She’s been drinking since 2. Her cousins are over and so is M. [her BF], his sister and her friend. I get there and M. is on one side of the room w/ his sister and her friend, and K. and her cousins on the other. The whole time I thought M. was flirting with [his sister’s friend]. It totally looked like it. Even [one of K’s cousins] noticed. And I thought it was cuz K was SLOPPY ASS drunk and M’.s embarrassed cuz his sister’s over with her friend. But he stil shouldn’t be fucking around like that.

When I left I told him not to fuck with my girl [yes I did indeed] and he’s all “what?” and gave me some look. I said don’t give me that look and left.

[Yeah. Don’t fuck with my girls. And that dude WAS a complete douche TITANIC. Call ’em like I see ’em.]

Tuesday December 29, 1998

Oh yeah, guess who was at the “party” with K. Sunday night?

S. W.

Haven’t seen that kid in awhile. He moved to Las Vagas and he was visiting. He’s still a hottie. His  friend drove me to K’s cuz I thought R. left me and he told me (S did, not his friend) that his ex-gf pretended to be pregnant once (don’t know why he told me that… oh yeah alcohol). I said I would never do that. He said why did we never go out. I said you never asked. He remembered me from band in Middle School.

Dope.

He’s still pretty hot.

He also told me that I should tie my underwear and bra around his head. Guess who he said told him to tell me to do that?

God.

Alcohol is a strange, strange thing. Avoidance is a pretty good idea for some people.

Most actually.

Tuesday January 5, 1999

T. is so fucking cute I want to die RIGHT NOW. No. I really don’t want to die at all. But he’s pretty fucking cute anyhow. :)!! So is M. But M. is just hot. Like I want to hop in his lap in english all the time.


So. That was me, in a nutshell. What were you like in high school? How much have you changed?

17 Comments leave one →
  1. January 18, 2011 10:06 am

    I knew there was a reason that I never kept a diary. I flushed all my teenage angst down the crapper years ago.

    Still I do remember being that boy that would OBSESS over girls to the point of mental illness.
    I actually did write a note like the one you describe except with much more poetry in it.
    Funny her reaction was about the same as yours. Go figure.

    Was a late bloomer, never lost my cherry till I was 18, on my birthday actually! Happy Birthday Mr. President indeed. But having said that I don’t think there is any way you could pay me enough to want to relive those years. Even when I look at my yearbooks I get weirded out.

    Glad you finally found Jebus and got laid. Hallelujah Sista.

    • January 18, 2011 10:22 am

      HA! Yes – hallelujah indeed.

      I actually enjoyed high school, and I have really fond memories of it. Sure, there was way more drama than I could ever deal with now, but it was fun. Kind of ridiculous thinking back on the things we did, and the things I thought were SUCH a big deal. And they weren’t.

      I really like reading my old diaries and remembering that crap. It’s pretty funny. To me anyway. Ha.

  2. January 18, 2011 10:23 am

    Hahahahahahaha loved it!! Not too much has changed I take it? 🙂

    Have to agree with Bob…I would never want to relive high school from the age of 13-18…shudder! I did not keep a diary (thank god!). Anyway, it would not have been that much fun. I was soooo shy around guys and quite sarcastic (that has not changed… the sarcy bit) so people probably thought I was in a permanent bad mood. Mixed with hormones… bloody hell what a mess. Happy I grew up. 🙂

    Now if I would have kept a diary from the age of say 18 and forward into university than there would have been some (ok much more) drinking and other activities.

    • January 18, 2011 2:45 pm

      Glad to see that I am not the only one who was a complete mess in high school.

      I guess my problem with the ladies is that I was TOO nice. Every girl in my high school seemed to date assholes, and apparently loved it. So those years for me were spent in abject frustration and self pitty.

      Of course I grew out of it and grew a pair. So ladies are my best friends these days. I would much rather hang around a woman who smells good and can talk at a semi intelligent level than the guys who smell of sweat and talk bout cars all day.

      That doesn’t make me gay, just discerning. Besides never know when one of them ladies is going to need a shoulder or a little more to cry on. 😉

    • January 18, 2011 4:14 pm

      Ha! I think most people were a mess in high school – even if I did have fun, there were plenty of times I talk like the world is ending. It’s not.

      Yep – can’t be too nice, I think sometimes high school runs on drama alone. In addition, can’t be too sarcastic (Miss Blaise), people get their feelings hurt! And no, no one is a great judge of character or what is interesting back then… it’s all high school politics! That part I don’t miss. Although I laugh at it a lot when I think back now.

  3. k-t permalink
    January 18, 2011 2:41 pm

    I did keep a diary. And I still have them. I go back and read them occasionally. They will never. ever. ever. reach the light of day. ever.

    I was not nearly as cool as you and never thought about sex (yes, really). I think hardest-core-entry is from my senior year when i was *totally* in love with this pothead kid and had to clean up the bong water b/c him and his friend spilled it everywhere (of course *I* wasn’t smoking!!! That shit’s illegal!!! (says: high school me)). Then I came home reeking of weed and my dad got up to use the bathroom and gave me a hug…. oops.

    yup. that’s probably the most any-rated thing.

    • k-t permalink
      January 18, 2011 2:42 pm

      If only high school me knew me now!!! ;P

    • January 18, 2011 4:18 pm

      Never thought about sex?? *gasp!* <– totally kidding.

      Once a good friend of mine (total pothead) had a party then was gone all the next day when her parents got back. She came home to find someone had left a bong outside under a chair and her parents had found it. She swore up and down she had no idea what it was. She finally got mad at her parents (which is what you do when you're a child and you're wrong) and turned to storm out – only then remembering that she had her shirt on that had the Budweiser frogs (remember them?) only they said "pot-smo-ker" on the back.

      Awesome.

      Of course, I had the other friend who could get away with anything. Including stealing her parents car to go to a party and then wrecking it – walking home and sneaking back in. Her parents actually believed that someone stole it. Out of the garage. They also think she really wasn't home and people broke into her house to party when the cops came.

      • January 18, 2011 5:52 pm

        Hahaha parents can be so gullible! But your friends parents do take the price. How thick can you be… LOL!

  4. January 18, 2011 6:36 pm

    Now I need to go back and read my journals. I wasn’t really interested in sex in high school. I think it’s because I was busy doing 50 million school and work activities.

    When I was 16, I dated a 21 year old…and he was really respectful and not pushy, so I guess it just wasn’t on my radar.

    I’ve always been a late bloomer.

    • January 18, 2011 10:40 pm

      Seriously? I had plenty of extracurricular activities and I started work at age 13, but there is not way anything could take my mind off sex. Yiiiiiikes.

      I “dated” a 21yo too. It was on our radar.

      But hey. That was just me. 😀

  5. January 18, 2011 9:16 pm

    In all seriousness, what % of those were about Denny?

    The over/under is 60%.

    • January 18, 2011 10:38 pm

      Oh, Denny. It’s just a good thing I didn’t know you back then. Adding your sex appeal to my hormones would surely have made my pretty young head explode.

      Now. If you want to know about my diary these days…

  6. January 19, 2011 5:19 am

    I’ve always been a pretty private person, so I never wrote diaries because I was scared my family would find them and find out what I got up to when I wasn’t at home. Hehe.

    But when I hear about people rereading their thoughts from way back when, I wish I had just done it, and hid them really well.

    • January 21, 2011 9:07 am

      I thought for a long time my mom was reading my diaries – I got busted for EVERYTHING until I was about 17.

      Then I remembered she worked at Planned Parenthood, and allllllll of my friends treated her like their personal therapist as well as their gyno. She knew more about my high school than anyone in it.

  7. January 21, 2011 4:07 am

    Oh how I wish I had written a diary that I could exploit and embarrass myself with on the internet later in life.

    • January 21, 2011 9:06 am

      HA HA. Yeah – it’s quite helpful when you just don’t can’t seem to find creativity.

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