Newsflash: We can handle your honesty. Bring it.
Oh I am just Debbie fucking Downer on the dating world these days (I swear I’ll change mah tune soon…when Other People stop bein stoopid). After my last update on Amy and Sweetness/Douche Canoe, now I’d like to update on Simone and Nerdy McNerdy Pants.
But – I’m going to use Simone’s current situation to make a larger point.
Basically, Simone and Nerdy McNerd went out three (count em) times. The final date ended in a her inviting him in, the two of them jokingly avoiding sex, and then ultimately giving in and doing the deed.
After this… well. Nerdy McNerd bailed on her twice. Both times he had what sounded like perfectly legit excuses, followed by “I really wanna hang out after the holidays – I’m so sorry!” And then the holidays. And then (I think) two random texts. The final one said “Hey hope you’re having a great holiday! I’m stuck in ____ and my phone died – sorry I haven’t been in touch!”
Since then? Silence.
Here’s the deal. I fucking hate this shit. Why is it so effing impossible to date like adults around here??
OK. Back up. The thing is this – sure, this could be perfectly fine. Maybe he’s been busy and all is well with the world. All should be well with the world. Simone is planning on calling him like all is well with the world and saying “hey! Hope you had a great holiday! Now that they’re over – let’s get together!” Not because she’s an idiot, but because 1.) she harbors a slim hope that he is an adult and not a douche and has been busy, which would totally be fine (it has been the holidays) and 2.) because, on pure principle alone, she wants to call him like all is well. Because it fucking should be because she should be able to take him at his word and pretend that he is an adult.
But. We both know that all is not well with the world. Simone is being blown off. Why? Who knows. Because she had sex? Maybe – but that’s a rant for another time.
I’m not here to discuss the why of it, but instead what actually bothers me (and Simone): Boys are allowed to do this – the Blow Off. Instead of saying anything or doing anything, they just disappear. Or don’t text back. Or text back randomly. I already know this bothers Miss Esme, and Jess from City Girls World has dubbed the worst offender of the Blow Off the Ghost Man.
But fine. You know what? I’ll allow the Blow Off. OK? It can certainly be argued as a clear message that you’re no longer into this (for whatever reason). But… if you’re pulling a Blow Off, why not just go through with it?
Why send the random “hey what’s up how’s it going sorry I haven’t called” text?
Or, why call randomly for no real reason?
Or the “I swear I’ve just been busy, please don’t give up on me yet!” response when all we want, at this point, is our fucking Pyrex back.
I’m serious. I want to know why boys do that.
Until it is explained to me, I have a few theories:
- They don’t want to be the asshole, and they feel guilty.
- They don’t know yet if they want to blow you off, so they’re keeping you around on the back burner.
As for #1, let me explain it for you, if you haven’t already received this memo: You will be a bigger asshat if you blow us off later, after feigning interest.
#2? Another effing newsflash: Guess what? You are totally allowed to not know if you want to keep dating us. That is completely and utterly your prerogative.
Here’s the thing. Boys? If even one of you is listening right now? PLEASE PAY ATTENTION because I am about to encourage the growth of your nads.
- You are allowed to tell us you’re not interested. In this day and age, it is reeeediculously easy to send a text or an email that simply says you’re just that or you’d rather be friends. That is your choice, and even if we’re bummed? That isn’t your problem any more. Yes, we might be angry and upset – and if you’ve given us reason to think you were more interested than you were, that’s kind of a consequence of that behavior. Sorry – man up and deal with it, and maybe, in the future? Don’t spew bullshit you don’t mean. However, in general? People are allowed to lose interest. It just happens. If we’re upset about it, that’s for us to deal with if you’re up-front and tell us about it. Really.
- If you can’t possibly grow the balls to send one little text, and you just have to go with the Blow Off? Don’t fuck it up by acting randomly like you’re still interested when you’re not. That just strings us along and makes us overanalyze shit. There’s only so much silence we can misconstrue for you being too busy or too stressed or too tired or dead cell phone. But if you actually text us and tell us a reason why you haven’t contacted us? Or just to say hey? You just fuck us right the fuck up again. For. No. Real. Reason.
- We’re actually not all crazy. Sure, as I said, we might be bummed out or a lil irritated if things are over (especially if you spent all Sunday morning cuddling us and getting googly-eyed, and “we-we-we”ing us into relationship oblivion – yes that is a SATC reference – or fucking our brains out, because we, or at least me, are especially saddened/irritated when you stop doing that), but guess what? We’ll probably actually be just fine. More than likely? We won’t even take that long to get over it, if we’re only just dating (despite the we-we-we-ing). We’re not all idiots who read too much into something. We actually were on the same page – so stop [puffing up your own ego] by thinking we’ll be devastated. And furthermore? Sorry to burst your lil bubble, but our self-worth (despite what you see in the movies, etc etc etc) is not determined by your interest in us. We can actually handle this shit, thanks for the note of confidence.
I think that’s a big reason why this irritates me. Not only because you tricked me into thinking you were a rational adult, but also because you assume I’m not one. That I can’t handle you telling me you’re not interested. Oh, I’m just gonna ignore that one! She might get mad at me or cry!
Look. I know girls have a reputation for being crazy. And some of us are. But some of us are driven to it. Because we don’t know wtf is going on.
What would keep us from being all over-analytical and whacky? A little fucking honesty. I think that’s the thing that bothers me so much. If we just had a lil of that, even if it made us kinda sad, in the long run? We’d know exactly what was going on and we wouldn’t have anything to overanalyze.
It’s just not that hard. And I am fucking over boys being able to pull this shit and get away with it. And we get to be the cah-razy girl because we actually do get irritated and all “wtf???” when you can’t find the ability to be honest or grow some fucking balls.
Not necessarily because we were sooooo into you, or because we’re sooooo crazy. But mainly because we expected you to act like an adult. And you can’t be bothered.
PS If you actually don’t know if you’re really into it and it seems like the other person is picking out rings? How about a lil conversation. I think we can handle you telling us you’re not sure or serious. It’s actually a great way to get the relationship back on the same page (*gasp!*). And, if you ask me? I am ok with you not being sure. It’s actually not a problem – you’re allowed to not know. But at least tell us that, instead of pretending like you are.
And if the other person can’t handle it? Maybe she crazy and you need to dodge that bullet, but also maybe you just aren’t communicating and it needs to slow down/end – for both of your sakes.
BUT. Final newsflash: If you follow my simple instructions? You might not actually be seen as the bad guy you’re so worried about us turning you into. Not if the chick is a rational adult (and you haven’t been reading her bullshit). Which (ok here’s my final newsflash) I betcha that awesome lady is.