The True Story of Why Being Single Is Awesome.
I wrote this while ago at one of my conferences, and am finally posting it.
I was recently asked by a great bloggess, Skye Blue of Met Another Frog, if I was interested in guest blogging for them. Of course I was, and still am, but, also of course, if you haven’t noticed (and of course I hope you have because then that means you’ve been checking in on me, right!), I’ve been a bit MIA as of late. Of course.
I blame… oh yeah, traveling and a lack of internet access. And now I am at a conference (and should be reviewing my talk for tomorrow) SO I missed her e-mail inquiry. Of course.
Bummer. Although clearly I would have failed miserably at guest blogging at present. Due to the whole no-internet-traveling-should-be-practicing-talks…thing.
Anyway. Skye asked me about blogging on the joys of being single. Hell yes I want to blog on the joys of being single because I think being single is pretty much kind of awesome.
Although I was unable to get her a post, her inquiry got me thinking… why do I think being single is awesome? Even if I missed my window with Another Frog (ha ha ha – see what I did there?… ok… my brain might be a lil fried at present…), what would I write about any way? I mean, I can say “yeah my life is pretty much sweet jams” but… if I want other people to understand that, or take on some of that attitude themselves… I should probably know why…
Because, you know, I think the typical reasons for why single is cool are kind of…well, typical. I don’t think the reasons most people think of really get at the whole Joys of Being Single story.
For instance. I will let one cool chick sum up some typical single-is-cool things…
“There’s something about an afternoon spent doing nothing
Just listening to records and watching the sun falling
Thinking of things that don’t have to add up to something
And this spell won’t be broken
By the sound of keys scraping in the lock
Maybe tonight it’s a movie
With plenty of room for elbows and knees
A bag of popcorn all to myself,
Black and white with a strong female lead
And if I don’t like it, no debate, I’ll leave…”
Yeah. Those things are great but… they’re not the entire story. Now are they.
Being single isn’t just awesome because you get to eat all the popcorn. It’s a way bigger deal than that.
Sure, some of the reasons it’s awesome are you don’t have to deal with anyone else’s bullshit or baggage. Or with someone who is a pain in the ass and generally not good for you.
But. Being single is also awesome because you can be completely one-hundred-percent absolutely positively fucking selfish.
And I don’t mean that the way it sounds – as in, you always get to decide what to eat for dinner.
What I mean is you don’t have to think about anyone else to figure out what makes you happy. To learn what you want to do with your life. To determine what things you think are absolute crap. To make decisions about where you want to live and what you want to do today and if you actually want to go for a fifteen-mile-hike-up-this-awesome-trail-and-let’s-leave-at-5am – because maybe you’d actually rather take the entire fucking day to read the paper and drink coffee instead.
To figure out how you feel and what you think and the answers to questions and the questions worth answering.
When you’re single, there is no one else you need to consider. No one but you. You are all that absolutely positively fucking matters.
Does that mean that your shit isn’t flexible? That it is the end-all-be-all of life? Hell no. You can certainly compromise and discuss and negotiate and evaluate and reassess when and if such things become necessary.
But. Being single means you don’t have to do any of that shit right now.
Furthermore. It helps you figure out the shit that isn’t flexible or negotiable. You learn the things that are always going to be no-budge bottom lines. You learn the things you can’t tolerate and don’t like and won’t accept.
Guess fucking what. Those things are important, too.
These are the things that make you, YOU. They are the things that define who you are and what you love and where you want to live and if you like dogs or cats or actually you prefer chinchillas.
I argue that you cannot really truly one-hundred-percent-absolutely-positively figure these things out and one-hundred-percent-absolutely-positively know who you are if you have to consider someone else at the same time. You just can’t – and you shouldn’t (because no one should be that selfish while in a serious relationship – that’s just mean). And while knowing who you are and what you want your life to be made of had better fucking be negotiable and flexible in some respects (not only for the allowance of another partner, who guess what won’t be you, but also to allow for fucking life to happen. Because, also guess-what newsflash, life gives way less of a shit what you want and love and need than a true partner will), having someone else to even think about means you can’t be really truly one-hundred-percent absolutely positively selfish.
Now does it.
In addition, being single also means you learn how to make yourself happy – all by yourself. You aren’t happy because someone else is happy, or because someone else is just effing present.
Furthermore, you can’t be happy all the time, so being single helps you learn how to deal with the days that are just shit, helps you learn how to pick your own ass up off the floor.
Or. It allows you to lean on those people who will help pick your ass up – you know, the ones that won’t cheat/lie/be emotionally unavailable/run off with the secretary/have a drinking problem (ok they might have a drinking problem – but they probably won’t leave you on account of it). Because they’re not your partner – they’re your friends. Being single means you abso-fucking-lutely learn how important and dear they are – and you foster those relationships for that reason. Which, sidenote, is something some people can’t really do while in relationships (and, to be fair, can be more difficult to do while in one, so establish that shit first).
BUT. While single, you learn, or at least you should, that you know better than to ever let those relationships die, wither, or otherwise be left unattended or abused.
And that, my friend, is the true story of why I think being single is goddamn mother fucking awesome and why you, instead of fearing it and loathing it and running from it screaming into whatever warm arms you can find (yikes), should goddamn mother fucking embrace that shit.
Oh. And you can also have as many random hookups as you’d like. When you’re bounding around Europe. Um. Or whatever the case may be.
I’ve been searching for myself
And I know I’m gonna find her if I break away from everyone
(I’m apparently into the ’90s today)
For more on why Single is Awesome (etc), I highly recommend the following: