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Hello My Name Is: Judgey McJudgey Pants.

November 23, 2010

OK so yeah I am going to start this out by apologizing for my absence again. Ok. I am sorry. I am.

This time it was a conference that kept me from my computer. I actually had internet. But no extra time. In case you were wondering, conferences are like overfrying your brain with so much work-related stuff all day you need to drink for hours with your colleagues at night (well, that and the Irish + Italians mean you’re just going to drink. Period).


For example. I saw nothing about Dublin except the inside of pubs. Seriously. I was literally steps from a very important historical… thing and I never saw it. I meant to. Really.


I would also like to apologize to it. As one of my current hosts said “five hundred monks went blind making that and you couldn’t find a half hour?” with that look that only fabulous gay men can pull off. And maybe your grandmother.

Um. Well. I did see the All Blacks kick some Irish ass…? There was drinking that needed to be done…? (he’s Irish – that one he understood).

And, just a tidbit about my hosts tonight: They have an old magnet on the fridge that has old pics (read: they were younger)of Bill Clinton and Al Gore superimposed on very hot male bodies, naked to the waist. The caption says “Who needs Monica?

Oh yeah – they are this amazing Irish gay couple who fed me Guiness beef stew for dinner and a bottle of wine.

Anyways. I actually didn’t want to write about them and their awesomeness. I wanted to write about this girl woman girl woman (ok I am having trouble with this – in all physical attributes, she is a woman – but in my head, she’s so not) Girl at the conference.

I really want to like her. Really. I do.

She’s obviously wicked smaaat, cute, fun, funny, etc – and she apparently really wants to be my friend but… I thought she was fun and we were going to be friends. At first.

She asked me if she looks fat (you are 36 years old – do not ask anyone that you just met two days ago that ever ever ever again in your entire life). She’s not fat in any way shape or form.


She proceeded the am-I-fat? statement with “I had been on a salad diet for, like, two weeks before this, ok?” I believe that statement actually led to her asking if she was now, since she was no longer on the salad-only diet, fat.

To make my point here? She got ridiculously wasted one night and her pants kept falling down. Because she’s so fat, obviously.

And, just so you know, I would be happy to still be friends even though she got ridiculously shitfaced at a  conference with a whole bunch of (let’s be honest) perfect strangers. Happens to the best of us (and she had a reason – well two: it was her bday and she found out that day her ex husband is suing her – Happy Birthday! Although… to be honest I actually don’t think the whole ex-suing thing should be something you tell strangers… but, to be fair, she only told us that once she was falling-down shitty. To be honest. And fair. At the same time. Is there more than one person writing this?)

Moving on.

She practically crawled in the lap of any guy who gave her the time of day. Now, I told you she was cute – and she totally is. She did not need to do that. And, to be honest, I am not sure that’s the best choice of behavior while at a conference.

But that’s just my opinion.

I guess… why such low standards? Why so… obvious about it? I mean… it wasn’t just normal, or even abnormal, flirting. It was… hey so… you should take me home um oh yeah now.

I don’t know. Totally not up to me how she behaves (I mean really) but… why does such behavior bother me so much?

Why ya gotta be all into boy’s laps like that? Don’t you have any self respect? Or respect for them? You don’t care who you are acting like this with – and it’s more than just being a ridiculous tease. I think she would have gone home with any of them (you know.. until she couldn’t stand up any morebut that was only the one night…).

You have advertised yourself, blatantly, as a sex object and pretty much nothing more. They don’t even have to work for it, really.

You also have made these men completely interchangeable. There is nothing special about any of them, aside from which one happens to be closest to you.

Help, dear readers. Why do I dislike this so much? And is that ok, or am I just the Judgey McJudgey Pants being all bitchy to her fellow womankind?

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. November 23, 2010 11:01 am

    I would kind of file that memory in the “Sucks to be her” folder. I am sure most of us with any life experience have similar memories of being down and out, kicked in the ribs for good measure.

    Getting loaded and crawling lizard like all over every mans lap doesn’t help things but I doubt that she was in any state to have realized what she was doing. One can only hope that the quality of the men in the room was such that she wasn’t taken advantage of further.

    But what man turns down a sure thing? Like I said, Sucks to be her.

    • November 23, 2010 11:07 am

      OK – clarity: She was like that with or without alcohol and every single night.

      If she just got drunk and horny, whatev. But it was a fairly constant behavior. So. And it’s that behavior pattern that was bothering me – and I was wondering if it should… you know?

      But yeah – her behavior really isn’t on me in any way. And it does indeed suck to be her. Aside from the fact that she’s worth over 1.8 million (she also let that slip while drunk) and owns property in Spain, China, and South Africa.

      • November 23, 2010 2:42 pm

        Worth 1.8 mil eh? Wanna slip her my number next time she gets out of hand.
        🙂

  2. November 23, 2010 11:01 am

    I don’t think you’re being Judgey McJudgey Pants. I think a work-related event is the wrong setting for that behavior. I’d be thinking the same thing as you.

    But I guess she did have a bad day with the suing thing.

    Hmmm…maybe 2 people wrote this comment as well.

    • November 25, 2010 12:13 pm

      It’s a conflicting issue, right?

      And I would give her all the credit in the world…. if it had just been the bday/I’m being sued! night… but it wasn’t… yeah.

  3. November 24, 2010 1:30 am

    I wish I was there to see this blossoming friendship. This girl woman person sounds like a hot mess train wreck, and you need to give us more posts on her behavior. I quite enjoyed this one.

    PS – Do you think my comments are fat? Just tell me OK? I need to know? Should I use less vowels? Be honest.

    • November 25, 2010 12:15 pm

      Unfortunately for blog posting and blossoming friendships, she disappeared after the night she got completely shitty – skipped out on the last day, never to be heard from again…

      …or at least for now. It is a small effing world.

      PS – OMG no your comments are not fat! Like, what would give you such an idea? Um, I mean, you could go easy on the vowels, but… you’re still sexy, show pony!

  4. November 24, 2010 5:01 am

    Judggy Wudggy was a bear. 😉 I’ve been there (acted like that). Everyone has their demons, and reason for acting a fool. I think instead of judging one should look at people who are ‘acting out’ with compassion. One doesn’t have to be friends with the person, of course.

    Sounds like you had a great time anyway. That’s always a good thing.

    • November 25, 2010 12:17 pm

      I really appreciate your view! This is what I was worried about… I don’t know why she’s acting like that – although I have some idea (she liked to tell me things about her life… I really think she wanted to be friends! I did too!)

      The thing is, where is the line between compassion and – ok, lady, grow the F up. We all have our shit – and finding a warm body won’t solve anything.

  5. November 25, 2010 1:21 am

    If you’re Judgey McJudgey Pants, I’ll be Jury McIHateSkankBitches.

    • November 25, 2010 12:19 pm

      Damn! You should have been there! We could have been catty (see what I did there??) together – as it stood, I didn’t think it appropriate to share my opinions/thoughts/questions with anyone else… Next time! 😉

  6. November 26, 2010 3:42 am

    Eh. When I see that kind of nonsense, I get angry, generally at the lady in question and much, much more at the patriarchy.

    I mean, this woman sounds like she is a success by every capitalist measure, she has money, she has some career power, she has property, she has a charming personality, good looks, etc etc etc

    In short, this woman is pri-vi-le-ged. At the same time, it;s incredibly sad that she feels powerless and invisible without validation from a man, any man. And that she feels that her true power lies in looking sex-aaaay.

    That’s bullshit. And it’s bullshit that this lady has enough privilege not to be buying into. So I have some sympathy, and I am far and away more infuriated by the kyriachry which made her than the monster herself, but yeah. It is annoying.

    Maybe she had an off night. I don’t know, neither do you. So I suppose I just transfer all of my frustration onto the bullshit that turned this otherwise lovely human being into a sad scared sock puppet for the patriarchy. Fuck them.

  7. November 27, 2010 1:17 pm

    OMFG, Pepper. That’s it. Nail on head.

    I wrote this because I found myself so irritated with her, yet also feeling like I shouldn’t be… and thereby slightly conflicted.

    But you are so right.

    My problem with this was not exactly her behavior (hey stop stealing the attention of all the menz!), my problem was whythefuckareyouactinglikethat when she has everything going for her and doesn’t need to? At all?

    It is her buying into the idea that, despite all she’s got going for her, it appears that 1) she is a sex object, first and foremost, for any man who wants her; 2) she needs male attention to feel good about herself, and should do whatever she can to become what she is told is attractive, instead of looking at her life for that.

    Guess who is to blame for those ideas. She didn’t make them up.

    And guess what it does to other women? “Oh she’s such a little slut.”

    Wow. Thanks again. I think this needs a follow-up post.

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