My typical day in Holland (…aka when stroopwafels attack…)
(I SO wish I was awesome enough to know Hyperbole and a Half and she would think I was awesome and guest illustrate this post… )
I get up in the morning. Practice pranayama, do hip opener, and some sun salutations (why do I dislike sun salutations so much? I really just don’t like them. And I had better fix that attitude because they ain’t going anywhere. And yes I would practice more if I had my mat. Swear. And shut up Amy I can hear you rolling your eyes from Holland – this is what I do, get used to it!)
Get ready for work, have breakfast.
BTW. Can we talk about how different Dutch breakfasts are from Italian ones? In Italy it’s like “oh, you want breakfast? Really? What, espresso ain’t enough for you? Fine – here have a chocolate-filled croissant.” It’s like a suckerpunch of sugar and caffeine right to your face. You know, if you insist on having it. In northern Europe? It’s more like… “Here, have some bread. Have some toast. Have some eggs. Have some muesli. Have some yogurt. Have some coldcuts. Have some cheese…” But anyways…
Right. Back to my day.
Get the bike, say goedmorgen to the chickens and the cat. Ride to work with five thousand (ok maybe not that many – depends on if I leave when people are heading to school) other commuters and try not to crash into any of them or piss them off or hit a car (as opposed to a car hitting me… much more likely the other way ’round, here).
Work. Have awkward coffee breaks (when they ring the bell – not even joking – so we can all drink coffee together and have a chat… who wants to instill community in the workplace? ….fucking socialists…) where other people are forced to talk in English because you are there. Same thing for lunch. Work.
Get on the bike – hopefully before it gets dark, but if not, no worries. This isn’t the U.S. or anything.
Come home, make dinner. Get the computer back out to check the news and watch Jon Stewart/Steven Colbert reruns with dinner (hey, gotta stay true to the American roots somehow – and it ain’t happening with all the bike-riding and people-talking-in-non-native-tongues).
……… stroopwafels ……
Oh ha ha ha John Stewart is SO funny! I would marry him in a nanosecond! And I’m not even sure how I feel about commitment!
Mmmm-hmmm yes well we’re not done with dinner yet.
……… strooopwafels ……
OK now we’re done with dinner but… you know only bad things come from opening that tin.
……… strooooooooopwafels ……
You know you can’t have just one. Just don’t even open it. You’ve already eaten so many. Imagine what Yvonne will think when she opens it and sees you’ve eaten them ALL.
No. Don’t even open it. That’s like cookie crack in there. Just leave it!
OMG DON’T OPEN THE TIN DON’T DO THE TIN DON’T OPEN THE TIN!
OMG OPEN IT OPEN IT NOM NOM NOM NOMNOMNOM
Wait?? Where did it go?? It was over so fast! MUST HAVE MORE!
… and thus, I learn to appreciate addiction in a whole new way.