… and in the beginning…
Oh… the beginning of things…
You know those relationships that start out hot, and definitely heavy, but – like a fire that burns too bright – they end as suddenly, and perhaps as dramatically, as they began? And, at the end of these things, you look back and think that, deep down, you saw the end – even at the beginning?
It was never really something you trusted. You always knew, all along, that it was something you couldn’t hold on to.
I’ve been the one, so suddenly alone with my heart in my hands (or, rather, what’s left of it) wondering…. what. the fuck. just happened? and how is it over already?? I’ve watched friends, head-over-heels and knee-deep, then up to their fucking eyeballs, in something that you knew wasn’t going to end well. From the beginning.
I’ve also been the one, when I broke up with someone, had them tell me they always knew it would end. That they had been “terrified” of the end … from the beginning. Even though I thought we were just having a good time – and I never treated them badly. Not once. And still… they knew.
I think that, lately, there have been a lot of these beginnings – the ones you don’t know how to trust. The ones you know can’t, in your guts, despite the fact that the rest of you would really like to. It’s been all we’ve been seeing, we’re always ready for the end, for the other foot to fall, always saying “welp. know this one isn’t going to surprise us.” Even if, in the beginning, we hoped they would.
And we’ve spent a lot of time (hell, I admit it – we’re girls, whaddaya want) analyzing why these beginnings have been this way, why the other person wasn’t someone we could trust, why this was something wrong, when so much of it felt right.
So. If you spend a lot of time in things that begin this way, what happens when you’re faced with something that your gut says you can trust? What is the alternative like – the one that seems to be all how-it-should-be – when you’ve been trained, by experience, to expect the other foot to fall?
Well, kids, hold on to your shorts. We’re about to find out.