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We still want a relationship with your penis, even when you’re a dumbass.

August 10, 2010

*** Note: Use of the term “boy” is a conscious decision, meant as a clear distinction from “man”.

So. This whole thing with Ski Jump and Amy has everyone confused. Mainly because Amy is such a fucking catch (who is that hot and a domestic goddess?).

Unfortunately, the answer is simple, we just don’t understand the why of it.

He’s no longer into her.

Why? Well.

Perhaps she said too much when she called him out on his bullshit.

Perhaps she was too available.

Perhaps he really has a mental issue…. problem. (….that just suddenly got worse.)

But… I think, unfortunately, one thing that factored in is, well, sex.

As in… she had it with him too soon.

Do I actually think that she did? No. Do I think this should be an issue? No.

But…I think it was at least part of the reason he’s being stupid.

This is actually really irritating. Why? Well.

Start with because I think the reason, on the surface, why this is a problem is… good girls don’t fuck after one date.

And that is utter fucking bullshit. Why can’t we? We don’t fuck every dude that asks us to open our legs. Honey, we have standards. I’ve already attempted to make this point.

But… that is the problem on the surface.

Amy and I have another theory for why Boys pull the fuck-and-disappear act.

Basically, even though we’ve all been told, since we were wee little ones, that Boys just want sex… they actually don’t.

Well. They do. But just the one time.

That’s the kicker. Boys get all worked up about needing sex but… just give it to them once, they’re all set. They need nothing more from you, and apparently can wander off at will. Hence, they are hot-n-heavy for you… until you give it up… then they peace out.

The important point to remember is that the peace-ing-out part has nothing to do with you. It’s not that he’s not into you any more. He’s just not into sex any more.

Women, on the other hand, have this… Sex Switch (for lack of a better term). We can handle (to varying degrees) not having sex once the Switch is off. But listen up mister: if you turn It on… you had better be sticking around. And fucking us on a regular basis. Dammit.

But… this whole idea got Amy and I into a discussion of the physical nature of relationships and dating. While she argues that she is going to initiate that physical nature whenever she wants to, I argue that – if you meet a guy you’re interested in keeping around – you might have to make yourself wait.

Not him. You.

Why? Well, for one, because we have to acknowledge that society does indeed say good girls don’t fuck, so you have to do something to convince him that you actually want to have sex with HIM, not anyone. If he’s around longer, he’ll get to know you better and know you’re into HIM, not random sex (in my experience, many Boys are fucking insecure).

That’s how you get him to understand (Boys can also be slow) that you can be a good girl who fucks… not a slutty girl because you fuck. If that makes sense. (BTW I’m not saying I agree with this stereotype, I’m just saying we have to admit it exists and influences people, regardless of any truth to it).

For two, he will (or is perhaps forced to) get to know you better. Maybe that will give him a reason to stick around after he’s had his sex the one time. The thing is, when he meets you and there’s all that sexual chemistry – he’s into sex. But he only needs it the one time. And, for whatever reason (Boys can also be shallow), all you are is sex to him… unless you make him wait for the sex, so he gets to know you.

Again – not saying I agree with this or think it’s right. Or desirable. I’m just saying… my theories on Boys.

Does any of this make any sense? Probably not. I mean… rationally, and according to the stereotypes we’ve been told, it doesn’t.

E.g.: Boys just want to have sex AND/OR I want to have sex with you and you want to have sex with me SHOULD BOTH EQUAL we will continue to date and have sex.

But not so in real life. In real life, Boys are into you til they have sex the one time, and then they might run. Or whatever.

There is another other part to this problem that also goes against stereotypes, namely the one about Boys not liking drama and the one about them not wanting to commit. Also not always true with dealing with Boys.

They actually get drawn into drama. They actually can get dragged into commitment, no problem. They actually want a demure little passive-aggressive Mouse.

They are, in our experience, far less likely to duck out on a train wreck, or a Mouse, than on a confident woman. Why? Well… the train wreck needs saving. The Mouse makes them feel important. Even if she’s a dramatic, crazy little bitch.

But – that’s another blog in itself. Maybe next time.

Regardless. In the end, do we really have to change our behavior? Should we really have to force ourselves to wait for something we want, something we are supposed to both want and be able to handle as adults?

Do we really have to act like the only grown-up in town, and like we’re dating a sixteen-year-old?

Do we want to learn how to be dramatic and passive-aggressive and play that fucking game?

No. Let’s not. Let’s just take this as an indication of douchebagery/stupidity/immaturity/insecurity and let that be that.

You can’t handle your sex? That’s unfortunate. I can’t handle your stupidity or your immaturity or your inability to handle who I am so… I guess that’s that.

The very unfortunate thing about all of that is… we no longer get to have any sex. Thanks for bailing after turning on the Switch.

Which brings me to a final point.

Aren’t men supposed to be the ones who will do anything for sex? Then why the fuck are we the ones who will put up with this kind of bullshit for it?

Because bet your ass that is the ONLY reason we’re still around. We’re actually the ones who can fuck you even if we don’t like you… for whom sex can be more important and interesting to us than you.

Despite the stereotype, we still want a relationship with your penis, even if you’re a dumbass. And we will try really hard to keep that happening… because, well, your penis (and what you do with it) are pretty fun and because we keep getting told your penis is still into us (or wants to be….) so…

Interesting how Boys give up sex so easily… and we put up with so much to keep it.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. Gilbert Lowell permalink
    August 10, 2010 10:28 am

    Okay you gatekeepers, somewhere out there is a flock of keymasters who have been waiting their whole lives to find you. I’d suggest searching in the nearest dance club or local dive bar, depending on the degree of athleticism and personal hygiene you require in your consistent-sex provider.

    • August 10, 2010 10:42 am

      We’re fully aware that there are men out there that live up to the stereotypes and will fuck us on a regular basis when asked. We know we could actually find a purely physical relationship that doesn’t text you nonsense at random times during the week, talk your ear off about babies for 40 minutes, and then ditch you when you want some sex.

      Unfortunately for us, and those in the local dive bar, we have standards.

  2. August 10, 2010 3:23 pm

    This is great. You’re totally right about the boys bailing on the confident chick because they’d rather have someone to save or some meek mouse.

    I wish I’d actually read this earlier because this could have saved me some headaches in my day, but reading it now as the mature goddess that I am really makes it more impactful.

    So what’s my strategy? I’m not a mouse and not a train wreck. How do you go about dating these days when boys are so jiggigy jacked up?

    • August 10, 2010 5:03 pm

      Seriously. We’re all told that boys want a confident woman – yeah the fuck right.

      As for strategy? Well. You could learn to text things like “hope ur having a good day. at least 1 of us should b.” and when he replies to ask whatever do you mean say “oh… nothing…” instead of the gut instinct of “Hey. Resting up so you can fuck me this weekend?” or even “Hey. Last weekend was fun. Round two?” You know… learn to fake the Mouse/train wreck.

      Guaranteed to hook ’em if you do it right.

      If you’re not into that? Yeah… we’re still working on that.

  3. Gilbert Lowell permalink
    August 11, 2010 7:52 am

    just saw ur not having a good day. whats up? hey, lets do dinner and then my place. i’ll rock ur wrld.

    • August 11, 2010 8:59 am

      … u know i cant turn dwn an invitation for wrld rockin’… my wrld luvs 2 get rocked.


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