Dear diary… part one.
Recently, I noticed NPR did a piece on other people’s diaries.
These pages were… pretty random.
Well, they got me wondering about my old diaries. I wrote on a very regular basis and filled volumes, once upon a time. So, while I was visiting my parents recently, I read back into one of them from high school – fall of sophomore year, to be precise.
Sure, there was plenty of teenage angst…. but… I also said things like this:
August 28 1996
____ asked ____ and I if we were coming to the football game. I have never ever talked to him and he is so hot. Well. At least he ASS is.
September 11 1996
I just watched “Ghost” on TV it was so good and I almost cried.
[Can we just pause here to consider this: What 15-going-on-16-year-old-girl ALMOST cries at “Ghost”??]
November 25, 1996
____ and I devised a plan: when she hangs out with ____ next she’ll call me, we’ll get him drunk then I’ll jump his bones!
And then I came across this little discussion. I am 15.
September 21, 1996
I have a theory about guys who are players: See most, if not ALL, of the hot guys in this school are players. So it I ever end up gettin on some hot guy or a guy who has a reputation of being a player (he’d have to be hot for me to get on him if he’s a player), I will never ever expect anything. I don’t even expect them to like me, I mean besides as a friend. But see if they’re hot and a player, they’re in it for the physical stuff, then why can’t I just be in it for the physical stuff?
That’s all it would be to me if they’re hot and a player. I wouldn’t believe any bull but why the hell not just for one night? As long as you don’t get on too many guys or go too far. It’s all good.
So basically that’s how I feel. I don’t want to be like ____ or ____. I don’t want to be a girl who gets hurt. And I don’t expect to change a player and I don’t expect to be the girl he actually goes for for something besides sex. I know that’s not going to happen.
Ok now that I went off on THAT, is there anything else to tell you? I don’t think so.
Ok well bye!
Hmm… So yeah. Perhaps not your typical teenager…
December 3, 1996
I talk to him in PE every now and then and he just doesn’t seem like the kinda guy who is boyfriend-potential to me. Maybe physically, like in a get-him-drunk-for-one-night-to-“break-him-in” deal.
Wow. That’s a gem. Who is this person.
Apparently I’ve always been this way.