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Are boys really this cowardly?

August 3, 2010

From: Me
Sent: Monday, August 2, 2010 11:52 AM
To: Amy F., Gilbert L.
Subject: thoughts.

Good morning kiddos.

I am sending this to both of you in case Gilbert has some thoughts.

Two things.


One – received a comment from someone on my latest blog about Ski Jump: “86 his ass”.


Two – The whole mess with J. and her ex. GL – I know you don’t know about this, but the details aren’t important. Basically, the dude is being a complete ass, pulled a 180 in about six weeks time, and broke my friend’s heart. Now, she’s trying to figure out how to deal with the mess he made, and understand wtf happened – how he went from the man she would marry, to the man who was treating her like dirt. How he could not care about her – or, maybe (since we always look for the answers we want), he does still love her, he’s just going through something. When he gets done, he’ll be himself again and she won’t have to lose him.

But… the important thing here is, they are back in contact. He’s being completely wishy-washy, saying pseudo-just-wait-for-me things, but then still being an ass. She tells him she needs him to tell her he doesn’t want her anymore, but he says he can’t do that. Last one was she told him she felt like they either had to stop talking again, or they should just hang out like everything was ok (she gave a scenario for that afternoon). His response? “That sounds really great. I would be there but I can’t find my truck.”

…. What?

Look. My problem here is not the details of J. and her ex, nor is it wtfisSJfuckingdoing?? but more… why can’t either of these boys be effing honest? ARE they being honest, we just need to be understanding?

I mean… SJ is far less on the hook than J’s ex. SJ I just don’t entirely… get. Why not just… make plans for some *ahem* hanging out and just let it be easy, not serious, and fun? Why inconsistent texting and promises of calls that don’t come? Why, if you know you have some weird attention thing, not just say “hey, let’s hang out *here* and I’ll talk to you then?” as opposed to the vague shit? That would work out quite well for all parties involved – as they are all busy and can then attend to other matters in the interim.

But – *whatever*, as far as that’s concerned. I think it’s more… the general undercurrent (see blog comment) about not enough of he’s-into-you… but then, not sure it matters. As long as someone around here gets laid. At some point. But… have to admit, I think one of those parties deserves more (hint: it’s not the one with the attention problem). So.. if not all that into it… why keep it hanging around… when you’re just wasting people’s precious time and making them irritated?

(Although perhaps this has changed… ?)

Regardless. I think J’s ex is far far farfarfar worse.

And, the bottom line (that I will be arriving at, I swear, after taking the scenic route to get there) is… why is it so hard for men boys to effing sack up?

I really think that her ex is giving J. the run-around because boys cannot be the bad guy (even though that ultimately makes them worse). They can’t outright be the asshole…. so instead they do this. They drag out something, that should instead be ripped off like a bandaid, in an attempt to keep from more clearly being a DB… by instead being the Coward and putting someone else through much more pain and suffering. Seems less to them, because they don’t actually have to DO or SAY anything… even though the end result is far worse than if they were just honest.


It’s far more dickheadish, in my book, to drag someone around by the Girl Brain (or the VB, for that matter), than to just be honest and end something – even if it makes GB (god forbid) cry in front of you (or VB want to punch you in the balls).

Are guys really this cowardly?

If so, why – do they really think they’re “letting us down easy” (wow – if they do, they REALLY don’t understand women AT ALL) or is it purely selfish (i.e. easier to half-ass it until she gets completely fed up or does something that you can use to blame all this on her and therefore not have to actually say “I’m really just done” and therefore be at fault – even though this is your fault and what you want)?

Um. I may have just answered my own question.


Gross.


So. If this is true… I have a secondary problem (aside from the obvious one with that). Is it always this way? If a dude acts like this, should we assume he’s lost his balls, and his compassion, assume this is evidence of douchebagery, and hit the road?

No matter how hard that is (because it makes GB cry and/or makes VB/RB want to force him to man up from pure utter anger at this bullshit – or at least punch him in the balls)?

Or… is there ever an instance when he really is confused/lazy/attention deficit, and we should hang around? Because he’s not being an ass, he actually does need to figure things out on his own (or the space to concentrate on one thing at a time…)?

Basically – should we always throw up our hands and walk away? Or are there instances when we should not? And how the FUCK do you know the difference?

And (I have to say this)… is it really always on US to be the adult?? Do we ALWAYS have to do this ourselves??

SERIOUSLY???

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Gilbert Lowell permalink
    August 4, 2010 10:39 am

    So, what if the problem here is that you’re fighting with hundreds of thousands of years of biology? I think once a guy knows that a woman is available to him (or in the parlance of reproductive biologists, ‘he can hit that’), it behooves him to keep that channel open as long as possible (yes, those words on purpose). Maybe even though the male does not feel the enigmatic pull to devote his resources to this one particular female, he at the same time realizes (deep ancestral brain stem realization here) that a DNA mashup between them provides him with higher reproductive fitness and preserves his genes. A few mashups = even better. Don’t think I’m saying all males are driven by wanting kids. I’m saying all sex is driven by wanting kids, all relationships are driven by wanting sex, and all males are driven by the need to balance the relationship (high effort in, high survival of a few DNA mashups that are likely yours) with the maximum possible sexual encounters (minimal effort in, but high number and variability of DNA mashups). Then of course there’s true love, and alawmawekvlma – sorry, my fingers just flat out refused to type that, even in jest.

    However, our thinking-brain overrules our basic-urge-brain all the time – that’s why so many of us haven’t been killed. So, these boys need to understand the angst they are causing and hit it or quit it. Wait … but SJ has the option to do both … um, so my whole reproductive-based logic basically makes SJ even less understandable.

  2. August 5, 2010 9:20 am

    As for SJ, you might be on to something Gilbert. I kind of talked about this here (https://womenarefrommars.wordpress.com/2010/05/10/mating-strategies/) as well. Maybe, as far as his little ancestral chimp brain is concerned, he’s already “hit that” and now he can move on – because his unconscious “mating strategy” is to spread his [mentally lacking] genetic material around as much as possible (not that he actually wants kids…).

    However. This also means he has yet to move past these base, evolutionary impulses (aside from knowing he doesn’t actually want babies) – and can’t (clearly) use his new and (supposedly) improved Rational Brain.

    But. This doesn’t exactly explain J’s ex. Now does it. Nor does it explain why they are both big fat cowards.

    Ah – aside from the fact that we have made the assumption they’re rational adults. My bad.

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