Are boys really this cowardly?
Sent: Monday, August 2, 2010 11:52 AM
To: Amy F., Gilbert L.
Good morning kiddos.
I am sending this to both of you in case Gilbert has some thoughts.
One – received a comment from someone on my latest blog about Ski Jump: “86 his ass”.
Two – The whole mess with J. and her ex. GL – I know you don’t know about this, but the details aren’t important. Basically, the dude is being a complete ass, pulled a 180 in about six weeks time, and broke my friend’s heart. Now, she’s trying to figure out how to deal with the mess he made, and understand wtf happened – how he went from the man she would marry, to the man who was treating her like dirt. How he could not care about her – or, maybe (since we always look for the answers we want), he does still love her, he’s just going through something. When he gets done, he’ll be himself again and she won’t have to lose him.
But… the important thing here is, they are back in contact. He’s being completely wishy-washy, saying pseudo-just-wait-for-me things, but then still being an ass. She tells him she needs him to tell her he doesn’t want her anymore, but he says he can’t do that. Last one was she told him she felt like they either had to stop talking again, or they should just hang out like everything was ok (she gave a scenario for that afternoon). His response? “That sounds really great. I would be there but I can’t find my truck.”
Look. My problem here is not the details of J. and her ex, nor is it wtfisSJfuckingdoing?? but more… why can’t either of these boys be effing honest? ARE they being honest, we just need to be understanding?
I mean… SJ is far less on the hook than J’s ex. SJ I just don’t entirely… get. Why not just… make plans for some *ahem* hanging out and just let it be easy, not serious, and fun? Why inconsistent texting and promises of calls that don’t come? Why, if you know you have some weird attention thing, not just say “hey, let’s hang out *here* and I’ll talk to you then?” as opposed to the vague shit? That would work out quite well for all parties involved – as they are all busy and can then attend to other matters in the interim.
But – *whatever*, as far as that’s concerned. I think it’s more… the general undercurrent (see blog comment) about not enough of he’s-into-you… but then, not sure it matters. As long as someone around here gets laid. At some point. But… have to admit, I think one of those parties deserves more (hint: it’s not the one with the attention problem). So.. if not all that into it… why keep it hanging around… when you’re just wasting people’s precious time and making them irritated?
(Although perhaps this has changed… ?)
Regardless. I think J’s ex is far far farfarfar worse.
And, the bottom line (that I will be arriving at, I swear, after taking the scenic route to get there) is… why is it so hard for men boys to effing sack up?
I really think that her ex is giving J. the run-around because boys cannot be the bad guy (even though that ultimately makes them worse). They can’t outright be the asshole…. so instead they do this. They drag out something, that should instead be ripped off like a bandaid, in an attempt to keep from more clearly being a DB… by instead being the Coward and putting someone else through much more pain and suffering. Seems less to them, because they don’t actually have to DO or SAY anything… even though the end result is far worse than if they were just honest.
It’s far more dickheadish, in my book, to drag someone around by the Girl Brain (or the VB, for that matter), than to just be honest and end something – even if it makes GB (god forbid) cry in front of you (or VB want to punch you in the balls).
Are guys really this cowardly?
If so, why – do they really think they’re “letting us down easy” (wow – if they do, they REALLY don’t understand women AT ALL) or is it purely selfish (i.e. easier to half-ass it until she gets completely fed up or does something that you can use to blame all this on her and therefore not have to actually say “I’m really just done” and therefore be at fault – even though this is your fault and what you want)?
Um. I may have just answered my own question.
So. If this is true… I have a secondary problem (aside from the obvious one with that). Is it always this way? If a dude acts like this, should we assume he’s lost his balls, and his compassion, assume this is evidence of douchebagery, and hit the road?
No matter how hard that is (because it makes GB cry and/or makes VB/RB want to force him to man up from pure utter anger at this bullshit – or at least punch him in the balls)?
Or… is there ever an instance when he really is confused/lazy/attention deficit, and we should hang around? Because he’s not being an ass, he actually does need to figure things out on his own (or the space to concentrate on one thing at a time…)?
Basically – should we always throw up our hands and walk away? Or are there instances when we should not? And how the FUCK do you know the difference?
And (I have to say this)… is it really always on US to be the adult?? Do we ALWAYS have to do this ourselves??