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Is dating dead?

July 21, 2010

My friend Amy has met a man.

Whoops. Start over.

My friend Amy has met a boy.

For several reasons, I have dubbed him Ski Jump (one being he came out of the bathroom after getting ready to go out and her reaction was “did you just put a ski jump in your hair?” He has not applied this style again.)

Ski Jump and Amy met on the 4th of July (yes – my apologies for not having introduced you sooner). Instant chemistry led to invasions of personal space in the bathroom and on the hood of his BMW (they wanted to avoid staging said invasions in front of an audience, obvi). Invasions led to battle wounds (i.e. bite marks and bruising).

Since, there has been text messages and phone conversations. Last weekend, there was a real date. That ended in invasions of personal space and (ahem) orifices (wow could I make sex sound any more gross). And additional battle wounds (excellent).

Now, I will leave my discussions of Amy’s new-found desire for rough sex (note to self: blog about how women think rough/kinky sex makes them weird – when maybe it just makes them normal) for another time.

Instead – is dating dead?

According to Amy, yes. It is.

“Dating” as a action term, as in something you do, seems easy enough and we all know what it means. However, I argue there are subtle differences in how we interpret it, whether you believe it is two people getting to know each other, or perhaps two people already in a relationship…

But I’d say the traditional description is the courtship of a woman by a man. As in, “dating” is the dude putting in the work (and the cash) to access a woman’s nether regions. Or, it’s a woman making sure the guy cares enough to stick around.

Regardless, in general it is a slow process where physical intimacy is reached very gradually.

Personally, I feel like the traditional goal of this process was to get the man laid, and the woman a relationship.

Um. Ok.

Amy says dating is dead because we no longer want to go through this… ritual. The whole slow progression of it, in terms of physical intimacy, seems silly to us – a game we don’t see a reason to play.

Because guess what. Women want some goddamn sex too. We do not want to wait for it – and we don’t think the boys do either.

We would like to see traditional “dating” die – because we want our sex up front and often. We don’t want to have to wait, we don’t want to have to start at first fucking base and then have you crawl along with days between them. Fucking hit a home run, you bastard, and you had better leave me cheering.

In addition, omg!, we don’t want to waste time getting to know you, if you can’t satisfy us.

Sorry – maybe that is harsh? Maybe that is shallow? I argue it’s not. I dated (or whatever) a great guy that just did not have a sex drive comparable to mine and the sex was just not that great. I was over it in six months, and there is no way in hell I could be happy in that relationship. Period.

However. Please keep in mind that we have standards. The thing of it is, part of traditional “dating” seemed to be about convincing the woman to have sex – e.g. she was “safe” in the relationship to do so, he was sticking around, and that she liked him enough to have sex with him. I guess.

Newsflash: We will know pretty fucking quickly if we want to have sex with you. If we do, we don’t give a shit what you do or say after that – in fact, at that point, we just want to know if the outfit you’re wearing will look as good on our floor (anyone still wondering why this blog is called “Women are from Mars”?), and we don’t care what lame-ass lines (“I will rock your world!”) you want to use or how much you want to spend. We don’t even have to like you by the end of the day. We can still want to fuck you. We don’t need to “date” you to know that, nor do we want to go through the stupid ritual just to find out what you’re like in bed.

However. If we don’t know this ahead of time? Then, yeah, you are going to have to do some serious work to get any where near our nether regions. This is a private club, honey, and you do have to be on the list. That list is short, and you’re either on it, or you’re not.

The problem with this? Women cannot jump into bed. We can’t have the sex up front.

Well – we can, but typically only that one time. We feel like we have to wait it out and take things slowly, or else the dude bolts. Which makes no sense since boys are supposed to just want sex…. right? If “dating” is the work they put in to get that… and if we want it too, and right now without the “work”… than that’s a good thing… right?

Wrong. Why? Well, for one, that’s not what good girls do, now is it. Why this societal standard actually equates to a man boy running for the hills is beyond me.  Thought you wanted a lady in the street but a freak in the bed. My bad.

Somehow a woman wanting sex now (not in three dates – although we’ll want it then too) is a bad thing because… we’re a slut? What? Honey, I am fucking you because I want to, not because I have low self-esteem and will fuck anything. Give me a goddamn mother fucking break.

Take Amy and Ski Jump, for instance. She really does have chemistry with him, but she’s also effing busy. She really wants the hot, naughty, bite-my-nipples-and-pull-my-hair sex – and everything else can come later (after her – ha ha! oh I am so funny sometimes). Sure, she wants to get to know him. But she does not want to play society’s Dating Game in order to see his cock on a very regular basis.

She would also appreciate it if he realized the reason she had sex in the first place was because she wanted to – not because he talked her into it. Not because she doesn’t have some effing standards. Why is this so difficult to grasp??

So – they have great chemistry and they have a lot of fun. And they had some great sex. But now? She’s worried he won’t call back. He has sent a text message or two, but she’s waiting on the follow through.

I mean, it is a pain in the ass to do exactly what you want to do (death to the old dating!), but then still be held to these standards or this traditional and out-dated time line that make no sense to you. Do we really, in this day and age, have to play Society’s Dating Game, just to get the guy to follow through?

And by that I mean, keep showing up and fucking us? Can’t we do that while we get to know you? Why does sex-up-front-because-we-both-want-it equate to … boy runs for hills? In spite of all the chemistry and mutual attraction and, dammit, fun?

Have we come this far? Where our goals are, supposedly, so similar? And why the fuck aren’t guys ecstatic?

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