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March 19, 2010

Sent: Wednesday, March 17, 2010 9:11 AM
Subject: the word of the day is… sketchy.

Hey lady…

SO. I find myself in a bit of a dilemma. Basically, I am not entirely sure about Conference Boy (the dude from this weekend)… Even though we talked on the phone last night, and he sent me a text this morning… I don’t know if he’s actually going to get back to me about the weekend. I just have a feeling he’s going to bail… But… I am not all that sure I even WANT to go out with him again… although I know what I do want to do with him again…

Hmmm… I feel that I should make a pros and cons list…

Things I don’t like (sketchtastic)

1. Pretty sure he lied to me on the phone last night. Not a big deal, but one where he didn’t expect the question so the lie popped out before he could prepare for it – thus, I caught it.

2. He recovered really fast from said lie.

3. He had to take a shower after hooking up. Even after just the serious hot-n-heavy make-out sesh the night before (i.e. no sex …yet). His excuse then was he wanted to wash the aftershave off his balls (HA HA HA – kinda sketchy in-of-itself but also funny – “here, look I shaved my balls just for you… what, no bj?” Ummm… I’m laughing in your face right now). When he said he needed to “wash off,” I was like… ok…. I hate wasting water…but alright… But then… he had to put aftershave BACK on his balls after he…washed…it… off…. And, of course, in the morning he was like “well now we have to shower” (we were sweaty, it was pretty much a workout – holy mother) and I thought to myself “…shocker.” Despite the fact that we continue whatever was in the bed in the shower (so it’s fun)… I still feel there is something to his need to wash off… I don’t need those kind of issues. Thanks.

4. Please shave the back of your neck. Gross.

5. Never make that face again. Ever. (Even though if I want to fuck you again, you probably will. Bummer. Can you maybe only do that when you’re fucking me from behind?)

6. Stop singing. It’s not pretty. It’s awkward. I find myself singing just to make it seem LESS awkward. Seriously. Even though I know I sound horrible. WTF man.

7. Sketchy family history: He has one sister, one ex-stepsister, and one ex-stephalfbrother (translation: Mom remarried, now divorced. Again. Dad remarried and divorced someone already divorced. Oh, and is now dating someone 29. And she moved in after three months). I realize this is not necessarily bad but… still. I find it hard NOT to see at least a baby red flag in shit like this.

8. He may have HPV (at least he told me this before the sex). I got the vaccine a couple years ago, and I’m not going to have sex with him without a condom (clearly), but for some reason this sketches me out – and it’s more than the fact that he may or may not have an STI. And… the situation regarding how he got it. I feel he is not being entirely honest (shocking) and… soooo… having unprotected sex with sketchy chicks, are we? You sketchy little rascal.

9. He took FOREVER to cum (if he REALLY hasn’t had sex since his ex in July, wouldn’t he be quicker on the trigger??)

10. I don’t trust him and he kinda sketches me out – hence absolutely no emotional attachment – hence I have no idea when (or if) I’ll be able to have an orgasm with him. In a general sense… I am not even sure I like him all that much – but clearly this is not a serious thing. So.

Things I like (a lot – well, some more than others)

1. He’s cute

2. General physical attraction and sexual chemistry

3. Very nice penis (yes please! HA – Me: “ouch! hang on a second!” Him: “Um. That’s only the tip.” Me: “I know!” but a big part of that is sex with only chicks for two years = I just needed some… yeah. can’t think of a good word to use here.)

4. Sex. Sex sex sex sex (although this is a GUY we’re talking about here… any guesses as to if I’ll get it as much as I want it? And the showering-after thing is going to get old REAL quick)

5. He took FOREVER to cum (awesome)

6. No emotional attachment – all I really want/have time for right now. Plus – after _____, I do not want anyone’s sloppy-ass emotions anywhere near me. Just sex. And lots of it.

I donno… Rational Brain says “let this one go.” Vagina Brain says… something completely different. And apparently neither seem to get the fact that, unless I put some serious work into this or something, I am probably NOT to going to cum with this guy because I am not letting any guard down whatsoever and I’m already on defense. SO then by definition shouldn’t I just avoid this? BUT it is still so fuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnn… crap.

Anyways. Really this all may be a moot point because I may not hear from him. Which would solve the entire problem. But would also be a little weird. Why text/call if you’re not interested…? I guess? I don’t know. Weird. Even that sketches me out. And it also sketches me out that I fucked the sketchy dude. But then my vag speaks up and says “Duh. Of course we fucked him. Did you see his cock? Don’t be an idiot.”

Another funny thing: even though my Rational Brain knows that I don’t really want to see this guy again (weelll… maybe…) and that, therefore, it is perfectly fine if he does not call, my Ego is in a bit of a huff to think he won’t. Part of it is “seriously? I’m hot, bitch” and part of it is “oh no! what did I do wrong??? Even the sketchy guy doesn’t want to see me again!” and part of it is Society telling me he WOULD have called if I hadn’t been a big fat whore and fucked him on the first date (well no shit – doesn’t change the fact that I WANTED to fuck him – and would’ve been bummed if I didn’t).

Which is why we should all learn to control our Egos (and ignore them when necessary) and pretty much give Society the finger.

Moving on.


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