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…go with the flow…

March 10, 2010

From:
Sent: Thursday, March 03, 2010 12:13 AM
To:
Subject: omg.


OK… let’s see. Clearly I had such a night I had to e-mail you immediately. Despite the fact that I have a 730am breakfast meeting.


Anyways.


SO. Yeah. Cute boy at conference – apparently lives only an hour away. Kind of flirting all week, but I don’t really know what to make of it. I have no patience for the small-talk phase. I do not get giddy (really) – I would prefer to know if there is interest of not. If not, no worries, moving on.


Anyways. After our “gala dinner” tonight, Conference Boy comes by and invites me to go to the bar with him. And this girl. Who I have kind of seen him hanging out with (and thus – ok if you’re into her, I’d prefer to just know that, but I am not gettin that vibe at all so…)

Then I meet the other babies *ahem* people coming with us. If I want to hang out with CB, that is my crew. Front and center is the no-you-don’t-need-to-get-your-ID-they-never-check girl. Whose boobs are practically coming out of her dress. I might see nipple. At a gala dinner.


I digress.


SO I decide… what the fuck. Fine. I will suck it the fuck up and deal with babies. Fine.


We proceed to the parking lot. Where this guy and the blond-boobs-out girl are the only ones with cars. The other girl – hmmm… how about Nice Girl – and I need rides. Conference Boy has only one seat and Nice Girl and Blonde Boobies are clearly good friends. SO I just ASSUME, given this dynamic, that I would go with Conference Boy since all I know of Blond Boobies is, well, her boobs (because its unavoidable) and her familiarity with the local bars. Conference Boy says “I have one seat – whatever”.


Thus ensues (well almost ensues) the Great Parking Lot Standoff.


My assumption has lead me to believe that Nice Girl will say “oh yes I will go with Boobies since we are BFFs and you just met her (and her boobies) see you there.” Hence – my hesitation while waiting for her to say this. Or for Conference Boy to speak up and invite me to ride with him.


Neither happens and Nice Girl and I stare at each other in the parking lot. Literally.


She swings her purse.


For about five seconds (but felt way way longer in Awkward Time) until I suddenly realized what was happening and went with Boobies.


Oh. It’s just beginning.


SO then I get in the car with Boobies who is like “oh sorry! let me move that stuff! ha ha my liquor and my change of clothes! What I needed earlier!” Wait… what? What you needed for a CONFERENCE GALA DINNER. LIQUOR. IN YOUR CAR. What… are you boozin it up like you’re at a high school dance?


Awesome.


She proceeds to talk my ear off all the way to down town (which is only like five blocks thank the fucking lord) at an unnecessary decibel and a velocity that even puts me to shame. On a good day.


We make it to the bar. The only things I am going to say about the bar are 1) there was a dead fly on it. Literally. Not squished either. Just…. lying there. And 2) the bartender chilled my martini glass (yes – a mistake perhaps) with ice from a container behind the bar. He then emptied the ice back into the container before filling it with my martini. Not the sink.


SO clearly … the beginnings of a lovely night.


Boobies drank three doubles in about fifteen minutes and knew all the guys there. Ok that’s not shocking at all. She also said she likes vodka because it makes her go numb from the knees down (“no other liquor does that!”). Ok… that’s not shocking either.


Other than that, Conference Boy and I were totally flirting, and all body language pointed to –> he’s interested. I tried to be nice to Nice Girl because I knew how she must feel – bummed. I didn’t want to cut her off entirely. She seemed perfectly Nice. And he was talking to her too… and it was a little awkward… and I also thought I knew what was up but then didn’t…


No really… I didn’t. I thought I did…


Nice Girl goes to the bathroom. This is about an hour into our evening and Boobies has abandoned us to thrust her boobies at the boy with a mullet and peach fuzz on his upper lip. Conference Boy says he is not sure what he is going to do, this night is very interesting and not going the way he thought it would. I say “yes I understand” because I thought I did… I figure that Nice Girl invited him out, and then he invited me, and now he feels bad because he wants to hang out with me and he feels bad for her.


Eventually I want to go back to the hotel (because I did) and he offers to drive me in front of Nice Girl. And proceeds to profusely assure her that he will be back.


I feel bad for her…. and perhaps you already see where this is going? And not where I want it to…


SO we are driving back and he proceeds to tell me that… he spent the night with Nice Girl last night.


…what.


Clearly…this night is not going as planned. And he’s like “….shit.” He also said he thought we’d been flirting but he didn’t think I really meant it. He thought I wasn’t interested. And Nice Girl is a really “nice girl”…


SO bottom line is (apparently) I didn’t make it completely clear I was interested (really… is this shocking. No. Part of it is because I didn’t know if he was interested so I wasn’t going to be ridiculous… and part is that I AM AT A CONFERENCE and I have OTHER PRIORITIES than flirting.) He hung out with Nice Girl, she was Nice, they had a Nice Time and yaddda yadda yadda… HOWEVER. They did not have sex. According to him. BUT now that I am CLEARLY interested, and he’s kicking himself.

But. He also Feels Bad about Nice Girl so… he will go back out and meet her and probably spend the night there tonight. And not have sex again. Because…since Nice Girl lives here and we both live there… he figures he should just Be Nice to Nice Girl one last time… and then come home and date me.

Because that IS WHAT BOYS DO WHEN THEY FEEL BAD – THEY KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT AND JUST GO WITH THE FLOW. What the fuck IS that?

I mean… whatever, really. I don’t care what you do and I have no hold over your actions simply because there’s mutual interest but… it’s still like… what?


Needless to say – I had originally planned on making out all over his car but that did not happen. At all. I said “hey, you figure that out but I am not in the middle. At all. Sorry.”


He drove me back to the hotel and that was that. But apparently he’s going to call me when we both get back home.


The end.


From:
Sent: Thursday, March 03, 2010 7:13 AM
To:
Subject: Re: omg.


Omg, I have no words. Really. No words.


When the fuck are you coming home, you stupid bastard??!!

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