Introducing… Simone and the Dating Moratorium.
See, Simone has had kind of a rough couple years. The thing of it is, nothing major happened… but a lot of little shitty things did. First, she’s still been dealing the McNowYouSeeMeNowYouDon’t-Rocker-Pants, who is officially famous now, and with whom she has great sexual chemistry but his rock star status/[un-malicious] narcissism means they’ll never be anything more. Second, she dated a great dude that she probably fell in love with, but who decided he’d prefer to go with his own self-image as a commitment-shy rocker dude (I swear – Simone is never allowed to date boys in bands again) than admit he might be falling in love with her too – so she broke up with him rather than play no-this-isn’t-serious-pretend. But, it was amicable and they stayed friends. And slept together a few more times.
At the end of the day, Simone kind of felt like shit. Her confidence seemed more than a little shot, and she felt more than a little desperate. Both of these things were new to her. But… as nothing major had happened (no major heartbreak… and hey, she was still friends with Rocker Pants I and II, so… ), she just continued… dating… telling herself everything was fine… changing nothing…
….but still feeling pretty shitty.
And then. Like a bolt of lightning – epiphany.
Just because you can’t point to some MAJOR EVENT doesn’t mean you don’t need to put things on hold, make a change, take some time. As I said to her: yeah, heartbreak can be like wrapping your car around a tree, but sometimes the little, painful bullshit wears on you – like driving over shitty roads, day after day after day…
And so … for her first post in a series on her Dating Moratorium (the DM), I give you Simone:
I’ve been officially single for a little over 3 years now. In those three years I’ve dated casually, I’ve dated semi-seriously, I’ve had some great experiences, and I’ve been through some crap. The crap was never that bad, though. I developed some minor scrapes here and some bigger cuts there, but nothing to seriously wound a girl. Lately, however, it seems that all those bumps and bruises have made me a sore. Unexpectedly so. Hell, I’m almost 28! I can handle the ups-and-downs of romance, right? Yes…and no. The more I tried to date, the more it became apparent I was just putting supports under a foundation that needed some repairs.
So, I decided I needed to step back, clear the deck (literally and metaphysically), and see what life looked like when I wasn’t putting tons of pressure on myself OR my – potential and actual – dates; to see how it felt to work though things and act out on my own instead of working through and acting out *on* someone else.
They say to get over a serious relationship you need to give yourself a week for every month you were involved. Since my years weren’t as serious as all that (see above) I decided to give myself 3 months. I began this journey on February 22 and will end it on May 21st – my 28th birthday (for all you math whizzes that are having a numerical conniption right now over the technical number of days versus the metaphysical “timeframe” of three months my nerdiness sympathizes…but let’s just deal, k?).
I’ve made some good progress so far I think (week #3 just startin’!)…so, stay tuned; I’d love to hear your thoughts on my first discoveries!
Of course… there have to be some guidelines…
Rules of the Dating Moratorium (DM):
- NO DATING –This does not mean I cannot hang out with a male in a one-on-one scenario. It means that I may not hang out with a man who obviously thinks that we are hanging out romantically OR (maybe more importantly) who *I* want to hang out with romantically (NO excuses). If said obvious situation occurs unexpectedly I must say “Sorry, I’m not dating.” Or…give some sort of upfront and specific clarification.
- NO SEX – no sex, no casual sex, no random hook ups, no random make outs, NONE. Casual sex doesn’t necessarily lead to anything good…at least not of late. Non-casual sex has also not led to anything good…at least not of late.
- NO TEXTIE-Mc-TEXTERS! – I may not sex text. Trust me. This is a big one for me.
As Simone mentioned, she’s in about week 3 of the DM at present, but she’s been keeping a journal. In our discussions thus far, I really think some of the insight she’s gleaned from these adventures in not dating are helpful in a general sense – which is why I’ve asked her to contribute to my blog. Not the least of which is, sometimes dating on repeat makes you feel like shit. Even if nothing BIG has happened. Maybe it’s time to take a self-prescribed time out. Not to just not date – but to actually do some personal work.
Check back and please chime in! I hope this stimulates some interesting discussion!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day… now go drink a Guinness for me!